~So don't cry to me ohhh baby. Your future is in a Oblong Box!~

Silas Artoria: An Angry Canadian...What?

Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way.

Hear me out here. This is my federation, and some people are getting treated badly. Let's look at one in particular who is getting the short end of the stick.

I'm going to talk about the penultimate underdog. Silas Artoria. The so called “leader” of “The Coalition” who has apparently been ignored by me up till now. I feel the need to justify this. Why have I not talked about this one like I have Duce, Freddie, Elisha, and so on and so forth. Why does this man escape my “insane” ranting.

Quite simple...

Who the fuck is Silas Artoria? No. Seriously. Aside from winning a few matches here and there who the fuck are you? A psychotic Canadian...well damn. I never thought I'd see the day. Oh wait. I have seen it. He's “crazy”...so crazy that he does absolutely nothing.

People want to talk shit about me, but when compared to this guy hell...I'm a grand slam champion in the works. You know why no one gives a fuck about you Silas? Because deep down we all know the truth. The truth about you is going to hit very hard...like a kick to the face.

You're impotent.

Let's look at your little rag tag group of ruffians. One has left and join Ouroboros and that has to suck because it's only done one thing truly. No. Not made them any stronger. It's made Sam eclipse you as someone that people will watch. I called Autumn out to be in the four way dance, but not you? Why do you think that is? Why do you think that I have ignored you for so long.

Because a fart in church is worth more of my time. Now I could make fun of you. Put on your face, dance around, hump a title, etc. However...what would be the damn point of it all. I have never seen someone with such a lack of charisma, talent, and just in general, interest fail to become a never could be...

(Looks over at a picture of Danny B).

I may have to retract my previous statement.

Then again, out of everyone who am I to make jokes about how someone isn't good enough. I was considered a joke for months when I first showed up here until I survived a beating from hell from Elisha and then won the CWF World Title.

Oh yeah...I forget. You don't care that this could be your shot back in by getting a shot over me. Hell. Most everyone in the main event has at least had to tangle with me at least once. You know what the best one was. MJ Flair. She lost to us, and she learned from it.

You know that thing instead of trying the same pathetic shit over and over again, but the problem is Silas is that you don't fucking learn. You keep trying to come off as this crazy guy, but to be honest we can all tell it's an act. Oh...you think violence means crazy? Clearly you don't seem to understand the true nature of madness. Yes. It is no DQ. I know you are salivating at that thought...

It also means I don't have to follow any rules either.

Still feel like you have the upper hand Silas?

Of course you do. Because you're stupid. Not crazy. Just stupid. I'd feel bad about wrestling someone with an obvious intellect reduction like yourself, but then again I've had to face Jarvis King and Diet Jarvis, HELLLOOOOO Star!, already so it proves that an I.Q. test is not required for this damn place. That's okay though. I'm fine with it. Because if I can say one thing.

I've never been this confident before that I can walk away with a title.

You are looking at this as a chance to get up in the world because you feel slighted. Now, in your brain it's because you've been screwed or people avoid you when they have titles. I'm not avoiding anyone. I've never ducked you. You could have challenged me or even Dorian months ago and won this belt...but you didn't.

Because you know your place.

1 People say I'm not a mastermind, but compared to you I'm Tyrion Lannister.

I am the god of tits...you are the god of whine...

I think I know why you have avoided me. Up until Amber Ryan handed me my first loss here since my return I think you avoided me for fear of losing your job. How could you wrestle here if you lost to a man who wears a bag on his head right? No one can take you seriously after that. Newsflash Silas...no one is taking you seriously because you aren't a threat. You talk a mean game. You build yourself up. However...when push comes to shove you just can't get it up.

I think you'd make a great spokesperson for Viagra son...at least the before picture.

As your boss I have to say you are probably the one who needs the most work. I suggest a program with Revenant since he's about on your level of talent. Actually he has more talent than you, but he's greener. I think it's best that you guys work off of each other for a while and see what sticks. Then you can move onto Billy Anderson, because Billy as a title holder is more likely than you ever winning this belt off of me.

Now why am I being so honest with you. Not mean, honest. Because someone needs to tell you something about why you keep sucking up the place. You don't have it. All the training in the world is not going to improve that. You're only good at using other people Silas. That is your talent. You will use your opponents to try and elevate you, but you won't ever actually beat them. And your tactics won't work on me that way either.

Because even if I lose...I still win.

You see. You're fearful of becoming what you are...nothing.

You want to be champion for the wrong reasons. You want it because that's how you think things work. If I work hard I win the title. No. You see. Starr, despite my opinion of him, worked hard and no one cares how long he held the title. You know why? Because Starr isn't a champion. Don't laugh. You aren't either.

You come in here acting like you are a tough shit. Let me tell you what happens when you lose to me. No one takes you seriously. No one listens to you. No one cares about you. How could you, a self proclaimed “great wrestler” lose to someone like me?

It was a lucky shot? Then I guess everyone around here is just very fucking unlucky aren't they?

I walk into this federation and I own it because I know what the fuck I am doing. You have no fucking clue. You go do this, but why do you do it? To prove yourself? Bitch...if you want to prove yourself go compete for the worst canadian award...you're a fucking shoe in. If you want to prove yourself it's quite simple. Take your shots that are given to you and work hard, but also know that you are going to lose.

Then again I'm wasting my breathe on you probably.

You see you look at me and you see a joke. I look at you and see the same thing. The difference is I know you are lying about me and you aren't sure if you are. I've heard it all before about the mask, the laughter, the cheap shit I do to get on people's nerves. I don't think you are mad at me for doing it though...

You're mad because it works so well.

And that's the truth. You wish you were a joke like me instead of the joke you are Silas.

Don't worry Silas...eventually you'll learn from it and you will, after years of trying, finally learn where you belong and what you can do. And I will support you in every way...

Because you are going to be the best t-shirt salesman CWF has ever seen. I can see you right now being the most accurate with the t-shirt gun. Go for the reasonable goal kid...because beating me. Only if you use lube first and we shoot that celebrity sex tape. I'm the celebrity...you're the fluffer.

AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA...

Just so you don't feel cheated out of my promo I did the laugh. Not because it's funny, but because at least in this way someone isn't disappointed in you. A nice change. I'm such a good person.

See yah soon frand...ehehehhehe...

Trent Steel: The Man Who Made Me...

I walk into my home. Well, my real home when I am not wearing the mask. I walk in. Tired. Beat. And I know something is not right automatically. Damn it. Someone is in here. Is it Armstrong? I reach into my coat to find my gun...

"You really don't wanna pull that on me."Trent Steel. Mother fucking asshole is in my kitchen making...pasta? "We need to talk youngin'."

"What do you want and what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Relax. I used the key. I wore a disguise. No one saw me come in here. Secret is safe. I need your help."

"You come into my federation and call out everyone. You expect me to help you?"He looks at me with a 'shut the fuck up and listen shithead look' that I am all to familiar with. The original Ataxia stands before me. The guy who gave me the mask. The man who helped train me. The man who gave me this with his blessing. The man who knows who I am, but do I trust him with that info. I could pop him right now in the face. One shot. I could pose as him for a few weeks and set up a death. It would be so easy.

"I know what you're thinking kid. Put the gun on the table."I realize what he's done and I quickly take the clip out and put the gun on the table. It's Trent Steel. Guy is a pyromaniac. He's probably rigged the apartment to blow if I pop him. I sigh. At least the son of a bitch can cook. "DJ is missing."

"He is?"

"Yeah. His fiancee is a bit tore up about it."

"You sure he's not gone on one of his 'finding himself' deals?"

"Last time I saw him he was talking with your old friend...Armstrong." SHIT! Fucking god damn it! I look up at Trent. He knows I know something, but he also knows I...My throat gets grabbed and I am up against the wall. "WHERE IS HE???!!!"

"If..you want him...let go!"

"Start talking."He lets me go and I start breathing. I sigh. I look up at my mentor. "Where is DJ?"

"I don't know exactly where he is. All I know is what it has to deal with Armstrong is really concerned about you."

"Me?"

"Yes. He sent me a file on you. He wanted me to evaluate it. You know what he's wanting. I told him you were no threat. The best thing you can do for him until I find out more is stay calm Trent."

"You set him up didn't you?"

"I didn't know he was gone until you showed up here. I don't talk to him much remember?!"

"He helped you out just like I did..."

"Helped me out? Oh really! That's cute! Yeah! Me having to live this life of total secrecy. I can't even tell my girlfriend who I really am without fear that the whole fucking world is going to come down on her..."

"She seems nice."That was not what I was expecting. Trent puts his hand on my shoulder. "Look. I'll stay away. I'll bide my time, but you gotta find him! We've been thru to much shit for me to just walk away, and if I have to I will go thru you and your precious little wannabe wrestling federation. I don't care what it costs...even you."

"You must really care about him."

"He's the only one whose stuck by me all these years. Even after I cost him his ability to walk...You know something about being alone like I do kid. That's part of why you got the mask. Find him...or I'll start talking."

With that he leaves...I sigh. What the fuck are you doing Armstrong? DJ hasn't been an active agent in five years. What could he?...Of course. Damn it! I gotta think of something, but what. Shit! Fuck! Damn it! I sit down and look over at the one picture I have of them on my wall. I sigh. It's the only thing in my life that we are all in with. Me, dressed as a fan, at one of their shows together. Three Ataxia's. I gotta find him...but how without fucking myself over. Damn it DJ...what would you do?

Fin