Apparently I have warranted nothing but criticism for my accurate portrayl of the situation that is going on in this federation. I mean. I thought this was the reality television generation? I thought you guys wanted to know the ends and outs of the business.
Because this is your end and I'm calling you out.
Heh. So Miranda finally speaks and no one gives a fuck. Oh well. Your more entertaining than Polly is so why not totally burst your verbal bubble so my street cred goes up yo yo.
That and it's turkey day. Might as well do something truly entertaining instead of grueling like watching that staged fight with your sister.
Gotta love family bonding over the holidays. My question for the audience is do you buy this bullshit. I hate my sister and she faked her death to beat the crap outta me.
Bitch. Moan. Cry.
Save it for Jerry none of us care.
Actually wait. Let me guess. We got a few ways this can go. Let's play my favorite holiday game. Which cliche are we going for?
Option A.) You and her, the big bad guy of this really cheesy action movie plot, are going to fight it out until one of you gets beaten close to death and then you are going to try and use it as a ruse to make us think you're hurt only you really aren't so you can pull a fast one to try and beat all four of us when you've really spent the whole week training and this was filmed months ago when you weighted and extra five pounds from not purging your bowels so you can debut your new super move involving leaping off of the turnbuckle into a side split mid-air ending with a headbutt to the groin. I will call it the “Blown Job” in your honor.
Option B.) You have injured yourself and will use this as an excuse as to when we all beat the shit out of you that you “didn't get a fair shot” prolonging this endeavor by the front office to push you into a undeserved world title shot. It's a clever plan, but to be fair I think how you should actually qualify for it is to face Lionel in a match to see who has the worst scripted storyline this week. Yet again another easy win for anyone who can put two plus two together, but I just want him to have to endure watching your promos like a hawk so maybe...just maybe he'll blow his brains out. Best blow ever by Miranda.
Option C.) You are secretly the next cast member of The Jersey Shore. We don't need to go into why this is a possibility because well we all know just how much you like to make an ass out of yourself. This one by far is the most plausable.
Option D.) No one gives a fuck about this and none of us are buying it and your going to look like a complete and total dumbass.
It's a toss up between D and C cause I would love to see the cat fight between you and King Koopa aka Snooki.
I honestly am pulling for you in this though because I want you to realize something. Your sister is just as big of a joke as you. You both need to work on your form and stop eating the Thanksgiving meal you had before. Damn turkey. Always makes you sloppy.
By the way did the chloroform remind you of your last few blackout dates?
To easy. Just like you.
Oh man. Boy are you fucking retarded. Let me spell this out for you in a way you can understand. Because of your little “tactic” the front office, rather you like it or not, think that you have a chance at beating Dawn. They are holding out for a hope that someone not wearing “The Axis” banner will walk out as champion. They don't care “what” it is.
Yes. You hit me with a chair. Yay! You showed great skill in freshman brutality.
You hit me with a chair from behind to lose your match. Please. Keep that mentality. Keep that idea for your “prize” that you give a fuck about. The difference between our last encounter and what is going to happen in this one is quite different. See. You care about that fucking pile of shit because it will give you money. Hell maybe even make you “better” than your sister in your eyes. Who gives a fuck what reason it is. You want that more than you want to pummel me and that's what is going to screw you over. Call you out on your bullshit. My dear Reizeger. You are believing your own gimmick.
“I'm not a gimmick I am totally like for sure real and some shit.”
Yes. Because a merc will totally become a wrestler where all of her enemies can totally find her and easily kill her with an act of terrorism probably blowing up the arena we are in at the time. I welcome this. It's better than watching Director Wilde act like he has some control of this piss pot. Hey if they kill all of us all of my problems will go away.
SFT. Annoying people who don't know how to do a promo without copying the eighties action genre will be wiped off the face of the planet like Arnold's political career.
See. That's more threatening than you and he's wearing yellow. So passe.
Hey kids. Who thinks she's going to go into the same rant about her being totally against this company if I bring it up again. I never get tired of saying something to make you get all defensive about the fact that you “aren't a wrestler”.
I hear UFC pays better.
Hell your (vomits) hot enough. Why not do movies. Hell. Lindsay Lohan still kinda has a career you could totally drink her under the table.
“Cause I'm a fighter!”
Sure think She-Hulkamania. I totally buy it.
I did beat you. Says so on the record. Ataxia and Dirk Roman beat Miranda Reizeger and Jackson Steed via disqualification. As I label it you not being able to figure a way to beat me in the rules laid out by the front office so you lost on purpose to save your tough girl image because you CAN'T beat me.
And you never will. Sure you can pull your little tricks. Pulling tricks is easy for you. I mean after all the bullshit you talk I still hold that win over your head because I know it bothers you. It bothers you that a freak like me is held in higher prestige than a idiot like you.
Maybe it's the chair shot talking. Ha! Oh shit. You fucked up again. Let me do my good deed for the day and correct you.
I don't THINK you didn't beat Hayes. I KNOW you didn't beat Hayes. If you are going to insult me please do it correctly. You can do something besides the positions of the kama sutra right? Oh and by the way, “I'm a brawler”...that's funny...because you fight like someone who has never been in a fight in her life. Your choreographer for that fight scene with you sister needs to be fired cause I think it's the same guy who did the punches for Rocky.
Why am I taking so much time insulting you? Just responding and adding more to what you did with me. It's how these work so we can get that “big payoff” that SFT is going to give us for actually making them money right?
Enjoy the beatdown bonus loser.
“You knock heads and bust asses?” Yet. Here I still stand. You don't finish anything. You've never even remotely finished anyone off. Maybe the rest of the guys are leaving you alone because they have intimacy issues aka...BOOBIES!!! Total distraction for everyone else.
Not me. I'm not impressed.
Ahhh someone who admits their a drunken loser. The first step is admitting that you're a problem.
There is nothing I can take from you. Yes. There is. It's something you want. That world title shot. I'm going to do everything within my abilities to make sure that you do not walk out SFT world champion. The difference between me and everyone else on this roster is that I don't care about that belt.
But I do care who has it at the end of the night. I don't need to beat you. I just have to stop you from winning.
Everyone thinks that Dawn is the one with everything to lose. You have more to lose than she does. Because if the fans, that you don't care about, start seeing you for the loser that I know you to be then you start losing money. Then you gotta start buying the cheap shit. You gotta get desperate like asking your dumbass lackluster sister to appear in your promos again.
Oh here comes the jokes about my “cast of characters”. The difference is I'm not going out of my way to make myself out to look like a badass. I get beat up. I show it. The only thing I hide from you is a insignificant detail.
What my “real” name is. It's driving people mad! Who is this guy?! I'm Ataxia. It is who I am.
And I am the one who you have to stop.
Good fucking luck. After all I am powerless?
No. You might be right. I have no pull. I have no power. I just have my mind, fists, feet, and my high tolerance for pain.
The other thing is I will be clear headed coming into this match alchy.
So do please tell me again why “I” am the powerless one. I'd watch where you get your drinks from. Who knows what could have been slipped in your drink. Although with your history I wouldn't be surprised if someone beats me to the punch.
Your right. I know how it ended the last time I faced you to. I won.
Even when I lose I win. Or have you not seen the t-shirts yet?
One last thing before we go. I want to clear up one thing to you. I wouldn't fuck you if it would prevent the apocalypse. It's not anything to do with your looks. Far from it. You are what every man's fantasy would be. The light brown hair. The dark eyes that have mystery and pain behind them. Makes you have the urge to be the white knight to save you from yourself. The complextion of a goddess. The body type that is just perfect for all man's fantasies about women they can never have. Your tough. Your smart. You have an attitude. A warrior woman who probably will cry when she has to. What's not to like?
You are not what I want. If I wanted perfection that title would have been mine. I wouldn't have done everything I have done the way I have. I wouldn't have held back against Lionel. I wouldn't have tittered around. I would have everything I could want.
You aren't a challenge.
You are easy.
I want what I want and I just don't want you.
So go ahead and say you won't fuck me because I will fuck you...right out of the world title.
Now if you will excuse me I'm going to order a disinfecting shower for after the match. I don't want to get the case of “ick” that you have in your bloodstream.
I guess it's odd to hear...A man who doesn't want you. I wonder if this brings up daddy issues.
Certainly got enough family issues. What are you thankful for on this day?
I'm thankful for easy matches. Like this one.
Enjoy the rest of your “fight” I look forward to the preplanned ending that everyone will see coming.
Who the hell wakes up someone this fucking early. The A.M. is when I sleep. What the fuck?
Still wearing his black suit and mask Ataxia answers his door. It's Miranda Steel wearing a nice black party dress with matching heels and a black fur coat that goes down to her knee's.
Ataxia: Wow. The whores around here come to work early.
Miranda Steel:...Is that what you're wearing?
Miranda Steel: Tax. Did you not get my fucking call?
Ataxia: Umm...no. I cut both of my phones off when I crashed last night.
Miranda Steel: Both?
Ataxia:...I got one for my real family to call me.
Miranda Steel: Cool. Well. Get into a clean suit or something. You're coming with me and Papa for Thanksgiving.
Ataxia: Uh...fuck no.
Miranda Steel: He said you'd say that. I told him flat out if you guys are going to pull this fucking with my life shit you were going to eat a meal together. Besides some of the Steel family is in town. No one's going to be alone on Thanksgiving that's a friend of mine. Now go get dressed.
She sits down on my bed. I sigh as I go to the closet. I grab a black “Axis” hoodie, black jeans, my street shoes and gloves. I go to the bathroom and chuck off the suit. I take off the mask and change the bandages on my face. I laugh. I am going to have fun with these later. I plan on returning the favor. I put back on the mask as I walk out of the bathroom.
Miranda Steel: Sexy. Let's go.
Ataxia: This should be good. I've never been to a Steel family get together.
Miranda Steel: Yeah. You should bring a weapon.
Miranda Steel: You're my date.
She smiles. It's a evil grin as he puts on her shades and walks outside of the hotel room. I walk over to my black trunk. I pop the lid and hit the secret compartment. Metal Baseball bat. This should work.
...When it rains it pours.
So let's talk about this guy right here.
(We see an image of Fahrenheit.)
You look at this guy and what do you see? A monster? Someone who is big and bad and can fuck me up with no problem right? Wrong. Big problem.
You don't know what's going on in here. Then again what do I know I drink blood from a skull with a bendy straw.
I'm sure your fucking little bitch boy is going to say something and I frankly don't care. Oh I don't say anything. Nah I know why.
You sound like some high pitched balloon animal don't you?
That's fine though. I understand you not wanting to talk. All you would be doing is apologizing for what stupid shit Polly has been saying about you. I accept your apology.
I am an understanding guy but I do have to say this. Flat out. You are still going to get your ass kicked.
This is me being nice. I'm going to give you a chance to actually dig yourself out of the hole you put yourself into by letting another fuckwad talk for you who hasn't done his research. I got something special planned for you in the next promo. So I'm going to let your fucking manager sweat for a while.
It's going to be the bomb that ends your fucking credibility.
Yeah I know exactly who you are.
And I will expose it on the next promo.
Tune in kids!
The Steel family is one that spends a lot of time wrestling. They rarely are all in Pittsburgh for the family get together. This year a few of them were able to make it nearby. At another hotel about an hour from where I was setup at for training was the get together. I met a few people I had followed as child. Frank Steel, One of Trent's older brothers, was one of my favorite power wrestlers back in the day. He came up with a particularly nasty version of the gorilla press slam.
It was an honor. I also met some of the female members of the Steel family. Tracy Steel, Trent's only younger sibling, who was just getting done with grad school. She wrestled for a while with her boyfriend, Justin Zane, but she had taken time off like he did to get a college education. Justin was there. Miranda and Justin are pretty much like average siblings for two kids who were adopted by the same family. Different backgrounds, same old problems.
Miranda Steel: You suck!
Justin Zane: What cause I said you look like that Twilight bitch?
Miranda Steel: I'm going to kill you!
Awkward silence...I forgot how loud that gets.
Ataxia: Uhh sorry...force of habbit.
The whole family: Ahahahahahaha...
Trent Steel: Trust me. We got many of us who don't know when to cut off their “persona”.
Frank Steel: Hey! I got paid a lot of money to be “The Conquistador”!
Trent Steel: Yeah. Then when you got drunk you fucking just walked around with that helmet on...just the helmet.
Justin Zane: AHHHHH!!! My mind's eye!!
The get together goes well until someone comes in I didn't expect to run into. I see Cain Collossus. A man who wrestled Trent back in ASW and ended up marrying into the family. He's a fucking giant. Bigger than Lionel and twice the weight with pure muscle. He shakes my hand and starts talking about business. That's when I see his wife.
Denise Steel: Hi...So your Trent's new protege.
Denise Steel: Are you all right?
Ataxia: Yeah. Bad turkey. I'll be back...
Ataxia walks away from her. Miranda notices and follows him outside. Ataxia gets to the balcony and throws up over the balcony.
Miranda Steel: You all right?
Ataxia: Yeah...I just need some air.
Miranda Steel: You need anything?
Ataxia: Yeah. Could you get your dad out here? I need to talk to him about something.
Miranda Steel: Sure. If you need anything let me know.
We see Miranda go in and get Trent. Trent notices his sister is there and heads outside. He gets next to the rail that Ataxia is on. They talk for a while. The camera stays on them. Trent pats Ataxia on the shoulder as we fade to black.
Awww. Your going to (bleep) punt her? Dawn! I don't care what anyone says you are the nicest loveable psychopath ever!
Full of hearts and cheer!
I'm so excited Dooo doo doo and I just can't hide it...We're gonna fuck the world up and you know we like it!
You, I, and Dirk are a breed unlike anyone else. You are without a doubt one of the most awesome wrestlers I have ever had the pleasure of teaming with. I love that you and I can punch the fuck out of each other and then turn around and curbstomp a little hoe who thinks she's something of a force to be reckoned with.
(A beat starts up!)
We're the Axis! We aint got no sanity! We don't give a fuck about the amenities. We gonna rip the place a new pie hole and afterwards we're gonna piss on the drywall. Fucked the Big Lion in the ass! Took his belt and all his cash. Now he aint got a place to stand on. Without the tag belts this place will tell him to just move along. This is about my favorite song and tell that Rezi whose it to pull up her thong. All these bad promos make me wanna hit the bong so I can just tolerate it ma! She wanna call you a fucking granny well she looks like a god damn tranny. Fuck that plastic pretentious pollyanna, because we all know the team that's gonna grand slam ya!
Axis! The world turns on us!
Axis! So we fuck it up!
Axis! You wanna get extreme!
Axis! We're beyond obscene!
Now I know we be loving this Fahrenheit shit! Fucking big bird is just gonna screech and creep. That's fine with us that you got a mouth piece but I know that he's a pull string doll that you got from Hot Topic in the mall. I fucked the devil in the ass last night. That's your master right? I'm gonna make you call yourself Toby when I'm done here. Now shut the fuck up and let's drink some beer!
Axis! The world turns on us!
Axis! So we fuck shit up!
Axis! You wanna get extreme!
Axis! We're beyond obscene!
Why the fuck would you want Rezi. We got the girls that make you girlfriend go lesi! Henchwoman and Dawn gonna make your dong go boing boing sproing! You fucking wannabe trick with bras. Oh shit here we go. We gonna have a chick fight dawg! That's all right with us you see cause Dawn will fuck you up like it's UFC! Oh don't worry we'll pull her off so we can smack the shit out your mouth that you've been spewing all fucking week, but it doesn't bug us because it's beyond weak!
Axis! The world turns on us!
Axis! So we fuck shit up!
Axis! You wanna get extreme!
Axis! We are beyond obscene!
Glitter and Gore! NirvDawna! One on one. Two on one. Three on one. All four one! The Ultra Violence is gonna go off and you SFT little bitches are gonna whine. Cry. Two times. Everyone knows of all your bitch times. The time is now! This battle is won!
Now my silly rap is over and the entertainment's done.