God is Dead...

I'm not going to preach to you. I'm going to just tell you the truth. The truth is there is no God. There is no heaven. There is only earth. This place. When you die, your maggot fodder or eternally in a ash can. Did I spoil your little hopes and dreams? That's okay. I'm going to show you the reality of life. Life sucks and your heroes suck.

Except me.

Because I don't lie. I never lie. I never cloud your judgment with hellfire or brimstone. I will never tell you that your going to hell because you disagree with me. I will never make you feel like a freak or a outsider just because you don't believe in a invisible man who doesn't give a fuck about you.

I'm better than that and so are you.

So let's talk about what we are actually here to discuss aside from getting to know me.

The soon to be bloodiest debut in professional wrestling. I'm going to make this “legend” feel more blood pour out of him than someone dying of a massive hemorrhage. So this guy was the shit back in the day right? Well “Declanamania”isn't running wild here “brother”.

See I watched you. I watched you wrestle when I was at the hospital. When they were trying to fix what was wrong with me. What's wrong with me Declan? I mean you fought for Northern Ireland right? A lot of people there would probably call you crazy right? So what makes me crazy? What makes me something for someone who has fought as long as you have should be scared?

Come on “Rocky” tell me why a big bad boxer should be scared of me?

I'm just a kid after all. I'm a kid hiding behind a mask. Come on. What do you have to fear about me in this match?

Well if it was a normal match or even a submission match I would say that you have nothing to fear. I mean look at you. You got the power! You've got the experience! You got the charisma to bring in the crowd! Any promoter would want you in this match to get a definite ratings boost for their show! Why the fuck should you be afraid of me?!

Because this isn't a normal match and I am anything but normal.

I'm Saint Sinner. I will teach you from the book of hardcore of how much pain the human body can take before it passes out. I don't plan to win by pin. I don't plan to win by submission. I plan to win by Total Knock Out! I will take you to the limit of what you can take and then shove you off the edge Declan because I am going to send a message loud and clear to all of those conservative bible thumping morons that I am out to take over the airwaves and show them that they are all wrong!

Because God didn't do this to me...his messenger did.

This is a hardcore match and I know you can't beat me sir. Because after being beaten everyday of my life for four years and having to spend most of my teenage and adult life in a fucking insane asylum I highly doubt your best chair shot is going to do anything but make me laugh at you for hitting me like a girl.

Come on. Surely a big bad fighter like you can beat me better than Big Daddy did.

Oh this is where everyone is going to be thinking that I am doing this all as a way to get back at my parents for beating me as a child because they were religious. No they didn't beat me because I was a bad kid. They beat me because I didn't eat people like they did. I wouldn't do it.

Oh I'm sorry did I just make you vomit?

I'll wait for you to compose yourself. Yeah I got the shit kicked out of me because I didn't want to be a cannibal. Figure that one out. My father beat me with a cane until I couldn't feel where he hit me anymore. I still have days where I wake up numb because the nerves don't work right. I feel nothing but pain. There is no joy in my life. No pleasurable feeling. Except when I prove the truth.

And the truth if whomever booked you in this match fucking hates you man.

I bet you think this is a act right? This has to be a gimmick. This has to be a joke. This has to be something that someone thought would be cool like a undertaker like character or some other bullshit poser right? Wrong! I'm fucking as real as your boxing career sir.

Just wait till I get in the ring with my “good book” and my singapore cane!

I'm going to make you bleed sir. I'm going to hurt you sir! I'm going to make you actually cry out “God save me!” and then I will laugh and tell you the truth.

God isn't coming to help you.

Jesus isn't going to save you.

God may love you Declan O'Connell...But I'm going to obliterate your ass!


(We fade in on a white background. As we pan out we realize it's a white mask that has no expression but just black circles where eyes should be. We stay in just a face shot.)

Saint Sinner: Unsettling isn't it?

(As we pan back we see he is wearing an all black suit including gloves. He stands in a room full of upside down crosses. He “looks” at the camera and slightly tilts his head.)

Saint Sinner: You'll have to bare with me. I've seen many of these done but I have never really done a promo before. I'm sort of new at this. I mean we all have to start somewhere so let's pop this cherry. Oh dear. That. That didn't come out right. Oh fuck me sideways. I keep digging this hole don't I? See I'm much better not being on camera than I am actually talking to you but I guess I'm just going to have to get over it aren't I?

(He points to the inverted crosses)

Saint Sinner: Like them? I make them myself. Wood carving is sort of a hobby of mine. I developed it at the asylum. See life is interesting when they are up front with you and say your not normal. Normal doesn't really exist. We are all different but yet we strive to be the same. Instead of embracing who we really are we try to hide it in a amount of conformity that makes us acceptable to some strange collective consciousness of what we are suppose to be. But then again I'm a wrestler. I'm only suppose to think about snapping into a slim gym and eating my vitamins. You know I don't say my prayers. Something about when your father is beating you and telling God is punishing me through him makes you not really want to talk to the mother fucker.

(He stops for a moment and scratches his mask)

Saint Sinner: I guess he would be the fucker of all mothers since he made everything. Ehh. So I guess I'll save the puppet show for next time. Hey it works for Vacation Bible School I think it'll help spread my message well. However, I just wanted to let Declan know in, a sort of, face to face conversation that I am not doing this for personal reasons. This is business. So don't take it the wrong way...when I give you a near death experience. I'm going to beat you like I was a child. Then you can pass judgment on me. Until then remember kids. There is no God and your parents hate you because the condom broke. Toodles!

(Saint Sinner waves as the camera fades out on a image of a upside down cross.)