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“I don't care what you think. As long as it's about me. The best of us can find happiness. In misery.”I don't care. Fall Out Boy.
{We fade in on a creepy looking set. We see in the background Ataxia playing a old pipe organ. He's playing the phantom of the opera theme as we get closer suddenly he starts playing the annoying “baseball” theme that you here at every game. That da da daaa daa da da daaa da crap. He turns to us and flashes a big yellow teethed smile through that sickly looking mask of his. He's wearing his usual ring gear as well as the mask.}
Ataxia: Sorry. I hate to spoil the mood I was setting but in all honesty none of you are scared of this. So what's the point. No one in CWF is scared of me. No one is afraid of the man with the so called “bag” over his head. I understand. Why should you be afraid of a guy dressed up like a reject from a Clive Barker novel. Oh shit. Sorry. I forgot you kids don't read anything unless it sparkles and fights “he who shant be named”. Let's just go with Jigsaw's stupid non muppet brother then you retarded little apes. So how does it feel to be involved in Wrestlefest Part 2: The search for more fest for this wrestle? Well. I tell you. I was fine with it. For about an hour or so. Then I found out I got clusterfucked over and I thought damn I died and went back to a closed federation that use to do this all the time. So no. Once again I'm the oddball. I am not happy to be a part of wrestlefest two. No. It's not because I can't handle the match. Far from it. This kind of crap I do more often than wrestling in a normal singles match. That's kind of what I wanted but I knew we had to spice things up. Hence why Joker and I were going to have a nice brawl to kick things off. Make him look good for the front office since they just resigned him. I know he kind of got a shitty draw taking on Elisha. Hell at this point I think I'm the only one who can take down Elisha. Yeah. I said it. Prove me wrong and book the match fuckers.
{He turns and starts playing again. This time he's playing a version of green sleeves.}
Ataxia: No. You won't do that because you are afraid of me. The booker decided to include every foolish idiot that just signed up in the roster just to add more time to this. To take away from the goal of this. Not my own ego. No. That has no need to be salivated at the moment. “Oh but you lost your match with Abi”. Yes. I lost a match. Whopdee do. I wasn't here for the title I was here for a challenge. Now instead of a slightly interesting one I have nothing more than a glorified shit storm that is going to snooze the audience instead of get them excited for the rest of this mediocre night. This isn't a pay per view anymore. This isn't the biggest show of the year for this company. It's a damn borefest. But that's all right. I'll steal the show and walk away with my own little joy in this endeavor. Now I bet I am at least getting one of my so called opponents a little curious since apparently I can talk just as “high class” as he can. My dear boy. You are a dilettante. However I intend to take your ignorance and show you the “truth”. Think you can handle it or is this going to make daddy roll in his grave? Or did you have popsy poo cremated so you could jerk off on his ashes every time you've done something to make him proud? Sorry. To graphic for you sensitivities my dear Marcus? I think Mucus describes you better. Your a slimeball trying to “save” the world. It's hilarious if I hadn't seen this joke to many times before. Oh you want to break a man's bones? Good. You want to hurt someone? Good. You want to feel something of a thrill? Well today is your lucky day dear boy. I'm going to teach you that your wrong. That's the lesson for you. You say we're to blame for turning this industry into a “evil thing”. Really? Tell me dear noble sage of the world. How the hell did you come up with this idea? Did you go from venue to venue with your father? Did you go on the road or were you at home wanting father's attention. Well let me tell you something about this industry and what it means to me you pathetic little punk. I have grown up in this industry the hard way. My father did this professionally and still would if he hadn't had open heart surgery. Do you think this industry should be clean good wholesome fun? I've lived through that. My father sold out to pay for his kids to eat. Oh something tells me the day you starved in your life was when you had to sink down and get the number one combo at a fast food place instead of the two dollar more number ten. Rich little punk kid. That's all you are. Your father did a “great thing” for this industry? What was it? Did he develop the ring itself? Did he come up with the idea of a “color” commentator? What was it exactly? What made your father so damn special? You know why my father sold out and became a glorified cartoon character instead of the hard, blue collar man that he was? It was because it's what the fans wanted. They wanted goofy cartoon characters and he wanted to support his family. And not a day went by did my father not hate himself in that era.
{He stops for a moment and then starts playing some scary melody of his own comosition.}
Ataxia: Your pathetic. You honestly think anyone gives a damn what a little snot's opinion of the wrestling industry is? We don't. Oh you want to execute us? You want to get rid of us?! Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your not getting rid of this one with just idle threats boy. You want to be a martyr for your cause eh? Well I happen to be “The Messiah Pariah”. I will gladly make this happen and prove to the whole world once and for all that those days are dead and that the sport that I love will endure without the likes of you. You want to bring back the athleticism back to this industry. Well fuck. Here I thought all the hard work I do building up my muscles and do all of this preparation meant I was being athletic. Damn it. I guess daddy couldn't buy a brain for you huh? Oh well. Honesty. Well let's talk about honesty. In all honesty I think that you have a good intention however your misinformed. This industry has always been about entertaining to a point. What I mean by that is you give the people what they want and sorry to say that they don't want that shit anymore. They want carnage. They want their bread in gore, or in this case, beer and our match. You see. This whole athleticism ideal you have. This honesty thing. It's not going to make a fucking bit of difference when I break your head open with a steel pipe. Why? It's what they want? Why do they want that? Because maybe athleticism just isn't what people want. Your a business man by nature I assume. So this should come as no surprise to you. Are you mad at the talent or at the fanbase for popularizing these guys? Cause I'll be honest with you I hate it here to but for a different reason. Everything here is to tame.
{He quickly plays a “daa da daaa” as if to say this f'n sucks. Suddenly he slams the keys and starts playing a very upbeat psychotic sounding song.}
Ataxia: That's right children. The Freakmaster here is having an issue with the programming around here. Let's look at this so called “Supercard”. Oh look we have Draco taking on...wait didn't I see this last week? Oh sorry that was me and Xtreme taking him on. I know I made things different but it's like Xtreme and Mace are the same person. It's like Elisha and Elijah were the same loser. It's like Angel and King Nothing are sharing the same problems. I swear it's like it's hip to be a square.
{Suddenly “Hip to be a square” starts to play and Ataxia gets up and starts doing the ancient dance known as “The Jerk”. The music stops and he goes back to his organ. He starts playing a calmer melody.}
Ataxia: That dance break brought to you by the fact that I'm fucking tired of this bullshit. You all think this days of your lives crap is entertaining? I swear. It's sad when Reality Television is better than a wrestling show. If you need me I'll be on the Bachelor where we get ratings. And why do I care about Ratings? Because I don't want this place to die out. So I guess I should be grateful for the cluster that this match has turned into. Aside for the fact that it's full of wannabe's like Marcus. Also it's full of someone who apparently needs to learn to talk properly. Sorry Chris Ashton but we already have Bucky. We don't need another retarded beast. Gimmick Infringement! I'm calling it. Other than the fact I'm damn sure that he can barely even dress himself but then again we all wear glorified dancer costumes with the tights, except me, so I really can see how this industry would be appealing to someone who can't put on his shoes properly. Oh but I'm the “underdog” in this. I guess no one sent him the tape. Yes. I requested a match knowing that I am going to be the one who has to go through the most bullshit to get to the goal. And I guess in a sense he's right. I get to deal with a fundamentalist wannabe wrestler, Marcus, and then I got to deal with this retard. Darn. My rouges gallery around here leaves something to be desired. I'm shocked you can “autually” talk properly Ashton. By the way good use of locker room doors in your promo it was fucking riveting.
{He shakes his head sarcastically saying “no”. He keeps playing but starts hitting off notes to emphasize his fustrations.}
Ataxia: Oh but let's not forget I also get to deal with mimes! Yes. People who aren't living up to their contracts and keeping the hype of this match going! Do I have to do everything for these lame brain lack of talent hacks? Seriously. Joker. Bubby. I went out of my way to pick you for this match when I could have went for anyone and what are you doing? Letting this thing fizzle and die. I mean I know why Nightmare isn't talking. The FCC has rules against showing live mold grow since that's the only thing that happens in his promos. But you. You had so much potential. Yet. Nothing. Not. A. Word. “He's going for that strong silent type”. No he's going for that I dunno how to do this cause I've been retired to damn long. Then we have Cris Nightmare who everyone would just be happy if he stayed dead and gone. I don't know what you think your doing but I swear just from the addition of you to this match it became two guys beating up the special olympics kids. Not saying that I have a problem with that but I just think it needs to be said. Now I'm one of the guys so that just leaves one more who has actually decided to say something to grab my attention.
{He starts playing “Your a mean on Mr. Grinch” on the organ keys.}
Ataxia: A man that needs no introduction for I have heard of him before. Thought you could pull the old “shock and surprise” routine in this federation to Grinchy Kins? Only through some saving graces do I know who you are and what you are capable of. Oh by the way fuck all rap if you can't stand Alice Cooper bitch. “I'm Grinch Bitch”! Well good for you. Here's a Christmas cookie.
{He pulls up a Christmas cookie and eats it.}
Ataxia: Oh the puns I could make but that's your trap isn't it. That no one dare suspect that you actually know what your doing. Oh Grinchster it's so nice to see someone else playing my game. It's funny really. By the way. Marvelous job on punking out Kanye.
{Ataxia turns around about to say something else when this cracka looking fool gets in front of him.}
Random Interupting Guy: Excuse me. I hate to interupt this promo. But the Grinch was so much better than...
{Ataxia hits the guy upside the head with a sledgehammer sending him down on the ground. He starts walking away from the organ as we hear the guy moan in pain.}
Ataxia: Oh where was I? Oh yes. Sub par am I? Ow. That hurt. Really? Come on. Where's the good stuff? Oh I'm not interesting? Really? I find that hard to digest good sir because if you look at my promos and my in ring ability as compared to the rest of the locker room, yourself a few others excluded, I have to say that I am one of the few things that are interesting in this damn federation. Cain might be dead? I don't buy it. Watch. Miraculous recovery with only some stitches before the big match. Every single one of these so called “main eventers” are nothing more than a lackluster group of kids raised on Beverly Hills 90210! They got these stupid stories going on that make no sense, that are boring, and yet somehow their internal monologue makes them THINK to comment on their damn match. Then you get people who conveniently cut a promo during their promo and think we don't notice the staging. I'm looking at you Marcus cause I've seen this song and dance before. But you Grinch. Your different. That's what I like about you. Your confident right now and I know why. Your in your element. You don't have anyone facing you in the ring yet. Hell you haven't even gotten in the ring yet. Well shit. Ha ha. Well I guess. Damn. You got no damn room to be worried. No one expects anything from you...except me.
{He grabs the camera and pulls it into his dementedly masked and painted face.}
Ataxia: I'm the messiah of pariah's boy. I am the one who knows what you are underneath that green felt and “fuck 'em all” attitude. It's not pathetic. I like it! As a matter of fact I'm fucking kicking myself for not coming up with it myself. Better than bag man. Everyone is scared even if they don't admit me. Me. They're not scared because they don't think I'm in on the ruse I'm pulling. I don't believe my own hype. I just go in and do what I do. I get paid. I go home. This is my life professionally. Trust me Ataxia at home isn't wearing a mask and being morose about my life just like I know for a fact the deranged kermit the frog here doesn't go to sleep in that suit. The difference is this though. The person I am hiding under this mask is the one you should be worried about. Grinch is confident right now but I've seen this happen. See I hate to admit this. But I've been a fan of yours for a long time. I watch you. You show up. You do great shit! You do amazing things until something bad happens. Then you start to lose steam. Then you start to panic that maybe...just maybe these people are seeing you for what you really are. I see you for what you really are. A good wrestler and a better man than anyone who knows you will admit to. I want you to be a success here because your like me. We both don't fit in. The only difference is that I don't cater to anyone. Except who I see in the mirror. However people like these little shits they have clogging up our match, because let's face it you are I are the only ones possibly walking out of this with the title shot, are catering to what they “think” is the right thing to do. Joker with his want to return to former world championship glory. Ashton with his dream of becoming the spokesperson for the special olympics. Nightmare...hell no one knows what he wants other than to get a vacuum cleaner hose on his dick on full suction. Marcus. Well. Funny story about him. I don't know if this rumor is true or not but it seems he doesn't like us. And by us I mean people who don't fit in. Something tells me you know a lot about that Grinch. So I leave you all with this thought. Just what kind of lesson are you all willing to learn about yourselves. It's wrestlefest. It's the biggest event of the year and everyone wants to make a good impression except me. I want to make a good match. Let's see if any of you measure up AHAHAHAHAHAHA...
{Fade to Gray...}
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