~So don't cry to me ohhh baby. Your future is in a Oblong Box!~

" Comin' down the years turned over. And angels fall without you there. And I'll go now and lead you home. and. All because I'm. All because I'm. And I'll become. What you became to me." Black Ballon. Goo Goo Dolls.

…Ohhh what a wonderful evening I had on massacre!

Let me tell you all about it. I lost a match…oh nooooo a tables match at the last minute thanks to someone interfering once again in my life. Am I bitter? No. Am I upset? Hardly. It just shows me how fucking desperate you really are Danny. You are so trying to stack the deck against me but in truth all you are doing is gearing yourself up for even more disappointment in the fact that you will still lose this upcoming clusterfuck. I mean, let’s just look at what our dear commissioner has come up with for this week.

“The Messiah Pariah” versus “The Hammer”! Oh what a great match up this is. Oh what a wonderful treat for the fans. Evil versus Good. Psychopath versus Hero. It will be the greatest damn thing ever on a cable network. That’s right folks. “The Ripper” is giving you one of the biggest money making events absolutely…free.

Oh. I don’t know if Mr. Gamble is going to like this Danny. See to the fans it looks like you are giving them matches that they want to see for free but in reality I know what this is all about. This is about you getting me “beat up” so your crippled ass might have a chance. Changing my stips last night didn’t do anything to hurt me. Matter of fact it’s been the most fun I have had in a few months. Oh sure I went through tables and then I “lost” the match. Seriously, were tables the best thing you could come up with? Is that the apex of your creativity? Hell, I’m not going to be surprised if you put me and Dan into a cage match at the last minute. Oh, but why would you do that. After all…why would you hurt that which you so desperately tried to protect?

It was a good plan. Not the best one, mind you, but a good plan by Synn Deville to cash in her guaranteed shot at the title after Dan had gotten beaten down. Stroke of genius…No. Matter of fact it’s bad guy tactics one o’ one. It’s a cliché, which is the only reason why “The Crock” Danny B would even dare to come up with such a “great” counter plan. By bringing back yet another asshole that I took out. Anubis! Seriously, is this my destroyed “heroes” gallery come back to haunt me? “Gasp!” It’s a good thing I already planned for this.

To be honest, Danny B, you are predictable just like everyone else. Going to Anubis for help was actually pretty damn quick from when I would have had him show up, but damn if it wasn’t cool to see another failure using someone else’s stardom to get him back in the lineup. I find it really cute that you saved Dan from Synn. It would have made for good television, but I think I know the truth Ripper.

The truth is you can’t stand for anyone else to have that belt that you can’t think you can beat. You have it in your head that you can destroy Dan Highlander, but you are not too sure about Synn Deville. Why would you try to stop her from using her shot to the full extent? For the good of CWF? HA! The best thing for CWF would be for someone to shoot Steven Gamble in his cortex and have you in charge because at least then I could get behind the ideals of the front office for a bit. The problem is your protecting Dan Highlander from destroying his image as a paper champion. Speaking of what I am going to hit with rock and scissors, I trust you won’t be to upset that I am not looking forward to this match. No. Not because I fear you. It’s because this is not the right time for it. This is not the right place for it. This…is not right.

Tell me, how does it feel being used like a bitch? Because that’s what you are at this point. Any “strength” that you had as a worthy champion has been taken away from you yet again. Don’t you get it. This is all one big ploy by Danny B to fuck with you. Think about it. He has you fight me. What’s the point without the payoff for the fans and for our company? Giving away great main events like this and worse putting you below your former contender and your current contender in a match against your own antithesis. This is all one big fuck up.

And you are the one getting ass raped, and I’m upset it’s not me doing it!

Let’s take a step back from me and you for a moment. Let’s look at this so called “card” that we have for this week. Mike Crisis versus Weapon X. Easy win for Mike. X is a pushover pansy with delusions of grandeur. Yet, he’s also the number two contender for your title. WHAT THE HELL HAS HE DONE TO GARNER THAT! I’ll tell you what he has done. He was Gamble’s bitch and got it on the back end. He wants a shot at your title. Mike has his own reasons for facing X and I trust he will break him in half. This will show your stable having a dominance issue if they win their tag team match as well. Giving you a hell of a lot of steam going into Elevation. Good news for you all around if you beat me. If you don’t…oh boo hoo your still the number one guy right? I am nowhere near your list of potential opponents. Angel vs Synn. What’s the fucking point of this? If Angel does what she did last week and suck up the joint what does that do to your main event? Angel vs Highlander is turned into a glorified squash match for you. That leaves only ONE match worth watching for singles competition at Elevation. The Tower. If Danny wins that he looks like the savior of CWF because he will do what someone hasn’t been able to do for the past few pay per views. Beat me in a big time match! This will then place him into a interesting position because if we know one thing about “The Ripper”…he’s only out for himself.

Watching backstage I couldn’t help but watch and wonder why he was protecting you Dan. This makes no sense. Unless he is just trying to make your legacy to be a joke.

I personally wouldn’t stand for it.

Then again, who are you going to believe? Me or “The People’s Wannabe”?

The best part about his entire plan though Dan is the most predictable and cliché one of them all. The ever popular stable beatdown. Yes! Oh yes indeedy do! I’m going to have four angry, more than likely, drunk Australians kick my ass after my match with you to “send a message” to CWF that you are all the most dominate wrestlers in the world of CWF! Thereby after my “inevitable” beatdown I will be unable to fight at my full potential because I can’t touch Danny B.

But he can touch me through you. Ick! That's like second hand molestation. Ewww.

The point is this Dan. I'm not your enemy this week. I'm not the guy fucking your life up. Hell, what have I really done to go after other than say I am going to be coming for your title soon. That doesn't shock anyone! What does shock me is the amount of disrespect you are getting handed.

You are the man. You are the top guy in this company and look who you have to keep facing. People who don't show up for their matches. People who whine and complain constantly about the respect they THINK they have earned. People who treat you like you didn't do it. Like you didn't win the CWF World Title. If the fans can buy Jace Valentine was champion I don't see why the wrestlers are giving you this kind of crap. Except if they complain to much you might give them a shot. I don't want a shot against you without earning it because apparently that's all the contenders right now. Angel is a no showing little brat, X is a coward...end of story, and Synn Deville. Synn. My hat is off to you for trying but I'd focus on getting something that is within your range to get. I say take Mindy and go after the tag team titles because you are just not as interesting without your bitch in your promos. I'm talking about Jace Valentine, of course.

So why should Ataxia get a shot at the title? No reason. There is no reason why I should have a shot at the title either. The only thing I am is the most dominate force in CWF next to the world champion. You are the face of the company and I am the antithesis of it. This is an outrage. These people need to pay to see us so this company can actually make a damn profit off of the general idea of can Ataxia do it again? Instead...this smuck ruins your pay day. Me. All I have to do is set a glorified jobber on fire and I make my money because they'll show up to see what I do next.

It's kind of weird how I am your side this time huh Hammer? Don't worry. When I come back to this I'm going to mop the floor with you.

Like you didn't expect any fall out from last week? Of course not. The fact that I actually showed part of my life from underneath this mask got people talking. Specifically my real life lawyers. Apparently a certain Mr. Steel was not happy with all that was going on. I told him to kiss my ass. I know what I'm doing despite what everyone thinks. So imagine my surprise when Trent was in my unoffical hotel room in Hawaii.

{We fade in on the hotel room. Ataxia walks into the dark room without his mask on. We can't see his face or hair at all because the room is pitch black. We can see the outline of Trent Steel sitting in a chair in front of the camera. Ataxia sighs as he drops his bags into the room and pulls out the Ataxia mask from his coat pocket. He clicks on the light after he puts it on.}

Trent Steel: Sit the hell down.

Ataxia: Why the fuck are you doing this on camera?

Trent Steel: Really easy to expose yourself when you don't know when someone's watching isn't it? All someone has to do is figure out who that dumb bitch is and...

{Ataxia reaches behind him and pulls out a semi automatic pistol and points it right at Trent Steel.}

Ataxia: You were saying something about unpredictable situations.

Trent Steel: You better put that up before I hurt you.

Ataxia: You are a dumb son of a bitch you know that?

Trent Steel: What are you intending to do with that.

Ataxia: Maybe what I did with Amy Powers...maybe your the next one in a mass grave somewhere in the united states.

Trent Steel: Like no one would suspect you.

Ataxia: Who'd miss you? I would be doing the wrestling world a favor.

Trent Steel: You might. All this over that girl...someone's gonna take advantage of that.

Ataxia: No. Their not.

Trent Steel: You pull a gun on her?

Ataxia: Not exactly.

Trent Steel: Good. Now you get me. You are not to do anything without that damn mask on from here on out. That's part of the deal remember?

Ataxia: I know our deal.

Trent Steel: Good. You better be ready. You got the world champ this week.

Ataxia: Oh, now we talk business. No. I don't have the world champ this week. I have a match with the world champion that means nothing but a Australian style beatdown.

Trent Steel: Watch your ass.

Ataxia: Maybe I want him to butt fuck me. If I get injured Danny can't have his little match.

Trent Steel: You know your walking into a trap right.

Ataxia: I walk int a trap every day I walk into the CWF arena for the night. Why the concern now?

Trent Steel: Hasn't dawned on you yet why I keep sticking around?

Ataxia: Taking my spotlight cause NLW only does two week cards?

Trent Steel: You should do standup funny guy. No, the reason I am here is I am trying to look out for your best interests.

Ataxia: Let me tell you something. I appreciate it. I also fucking hate you. Get this through your head Trent...when I take this mask off it's my decision. Not yours. No one is going to get this mask off without my consent. Now get the hell out of here before I actually use this.

{Trent gets up and walks towards the door.}

Trent Steel: Just remember one thing. I brought you into this business...I will take you out of it. Stick to the plan.

{Trent leaves as Ataxia picks up the camera.}

Ataxia: Oh yeah...the plan...I forgot the plan...

{We see Ataxia's hand open up the balcony.}

Ataxia: Ohhh...a pool!

{The camera gets tossed towards the pool of the hotel. It looks like no one is in it.}


{Fade to Gray.}

How can I insult Dan “The Real World Champion” Highlander?

I mean hell I made him a website I'm such a fan of this guy. Seriously I think pink and purple bring out his pictures so well kind of like how I...


Manly stuff cough cough.

Look. I'm going to be fair there is really nothing I can say bad about him. I mean look just because his old lady shacked up with Blue doesn't mean he's less of a man than the woman that was Blue Scorpion.

Wait that came out wrong lemme try again.

Just because Highlander is the only man ever to find three Australians actually employed at the same place to create a stable of them doesn't mean that it's a work of pure fiction.

Damn I'm bad at this complimentary thing. To be true though unless a Crocodile Dundee movie is out Aussies can't find work.

I should really start lying instead of telling the truth it's just making me sound like an asshole...asshole...something I could say about Dan's asshole. Oh yeah what I want to do with it.

I mean manly manly cough cough stuff.

So what if he has one of the lamest finisher's in professional wrestling.

...GOD DAMN IT! I am fucking this promo up worse than X fucks up the grammatical laws of proper English. Not even real English, like American shit!

Then again he is the one man who could make a language less useful than Ebonics.

Oh! I know!

Dan Highlander is one of the sexiest men on the planet. Just look at his profile! That physique. That...Umm...I need a moment.

Anyone seen my Kleenex?

I have a...booger...

God I hope he doesn't see this.

How embarrassing. Good thing I'm wearing my lucky crotchless black thong today.


See why couldn't the rapture happen I would have not had to do this crap.

Why is this so hard...

Umm, I really need to chose my words better.

Just don't try to kiss him in the ring this time.

FUCK! I thought I had the internal monologue on from the other part of the promo. FUCK FUCK FUCK!


Well I think I just nuked the closet.

Fuck it I'm going to wear a pink glittered tuxedo and a perm weave to the ring this time.

Here's something for all of you to enjoy. The worst match of my life. I got to fight the guy I wanna wrestle...in the bedroom.

See ya soon my hard “Hammer”.

Maybe I'll get some “Hammer Time” Down Under.