~So don't cry to me ohhh baby. Your future is in a Oblong Box!~

I am so sad to have disappointed you with my “second rate videos”. I hate to disappoint you again, but I just can't help myself. You like to make little criticisms of mine and I admit they are god awful. Then again...What do you expect from someone with a mind like mine. I admitted at the beginning of this that I was high. Now granted anything someone “stoned” is going to write is going to second rate to a “perfect” mind like yours. Here's my question throughout all of this. If you are a wrestler why the fuck should I give a damn about your dreams?

Maybe because you don't have any that really matter anymore.

What? Oh. Sorry. Let me long wind that out for about fifteen paragraphs so maybe you get it like that ode you wrote about the fact I criticized your musical tastes. You're a world champion dumbass. Why the fuck are you going to defend your creative choices unless you were second guessing them in the first place. Not once during this whole “rap battle” have I really demeaned you. Other than doing “my job” which is build up the tension. You got a fucking dissertation for everything to make sure you are right. That's all you care about.

Frankly, I wish Nirv had won just so I wouldn't have to listen to you go on and on about your precious fucking title that means NOTHING.

No need to bold or underline it. It means nothing just like you in the grand scheme of things in my life.

Yes I called you a fan fiction writer because I have seen better writings from a six year old pairing up Hello Kitty with Vegeta than the crap you have done in your so called videos. No one gives a fuck about them. But oh...the best part about this is you defending yourself again with point after point about something that means nothing. Who gives a fuck if I am making fun of you or not? You do.

Which is the fucking point. You care. I don't. You want. I don't. You yell. I laugh in your fucking face you anal retentive little bitch.

Oh I am such a bad guy for saying how much I hate the place I “work” for. Let me ask you something. How much do you get paid? A hell of a lot more than me right? Let me explain something to you. I didn't come to SFT to make money or make a home. I came here for a reason. That reason got screwed over and now your “home” is going up in smoke. The best way I know how to do it is the way I am going about it. “It makes no sense.” Of course it doesn't because your not paying attention.

Your this and that and what not do not matter to me. How else can I make this so plain to you? Do I have to put it on white bread and serve it with mayo on the side for you to get how simple this is? Bread...reason...bread.

Let me tell you about something you may not know about.

Guy does a job for years. Does is a certain way. The way it works. The way it has always worked. Things change around and a new guy is his direct boss. The new guy wants him to do something different. This kid has never even done the job but got a piece of paper that makes him THINK he knows better. How do you think that makes that guy feel?

This title of yours is nothing more than a glorified roll of toilet paper to me. It means nothing. Oh you are trying so hard and blah blah blah. Why the fuck aren't you out doing what your suppose to do then. Get better talent if you are soooo fucking “SFT for life”. I don't see you signing up for anything outside of those four ropes. Little pimple, I went out of my way to join every single tournament I could to get my federation noticed. You want to complain about what you are facing. Look in the mirror for part of the blame.

You want to make fun of Nirvana for leaving? Go for it. I would to. If he wants to act like a bitch that's his business. I do not give a fuck about that old man's feelings about you or this place because as I have stated since Redd fucked with me the first time. I do not give a fuck about your federation. This guy is gone. That guy is gone. Well maybe your quest to get your precious title has ruined other people's sense of self. Ever think of the consequences of your actions? I do. I knew Switchblade would leave if Dirk and I pulled that little stunt. It weakened SFT. Has it not dawned on you yet what I'm doing? This place is getting worse and worse. The best part. You are helping me.

Think about who you just sent out the door? You made him not care about SFT at all. You made the guy who has done more than you ever could for this federation leave with his tail between his legs. I got news for you. Everyone else is probably bailing to. Oh “The Axis” could fold at any minute. Not that you would care. Oh wait. Yeah. Deep down you would. Because like it or not.

Who else you got to fight?

I look out over the sea of mediocrity that is SFT and I can't help, but see a lack of real competition. You want to keep the belt to hold out for a great opponent. They aren't coming here. You actually are hurting your federation so much right now it's not even funny. Why would they come back? After seeing how Nirv walked out of here no one from back in the day is coming back to face you unless they don't factor him in at all. Like it or not it is a factor. You want to face real opponent. Lose the belt. Long title reigns aren't in style anyways. You are that good. You can get it back from anyone. The difference between wrestling and the rest of the “title” sports out there is that you are forgetting the main rule of this industry.


This isn't entertaining. This is a drawn out shit. Literally. All people could talk about last week was you taking on Nirvana and you putting forth all of your “great” videos to try and win over as much fan support as you could. Truth be told dear fellow. I was actually pulling for you just a bit. You did something truly amazing in that match that I was going to have to do down the road. You broke the big man. You broke Jeff King, not just Nirvana, but you broke the man himself. He told me to fuck you up. I intend to, but on my own terms. See. This was never about him. This was never about you.

This is about what I want.

SPOILER ALERT: It's not your world title.

Outside of this place, I am a pretty decent guy but it has left a feeling of bile in my mouth. The only thing to do is spit it out. Which I intend to do right on the ashes. You are correct. I should not be a star in this company, but I am. I should not be above curtain jerking, but I am in the main event. I should be kicked out for everything I say, but instead I'm getting the best of the best right now.

Why is that? Either your philosophy is right and there is no one else left for SFT to make a star. Or maybe...just maybe...they know something you don't.

Maybe they've seen what I did to earn my first world title. Maybe they saw what happened there to. In CWF they ran through every “tried and true” superstar for the world champion to face. At the time I was green. I admit it. Alex Cain is a legend over there. Sort of like the Nirvana of that fed. The name everyone remembers. Another big name was Elijah. I promise this going somewhere just bare with me. Have to get the backstory to get the whole story right? That makes for a great “video”. Elijah gets stabbed on live television by this new guy Elisha. I'll save you the details. He's out for a long time. Everyone tries to beat this Elisha kid and they can't. This guy is a fucking asshole. I mean. You think Hect and all those boys got a mean streak. I got news for you...they are nothing compared to this guy. Instead of arresting him the powers that be put him in match after match. I wanted him. Not for the glory of being the guy to beat him. Elijah was a idol of mine. I wanted to make the son of a bitch pay. So I beat the unbeatable monster. I was in that ring broken, bleeding, and barely alive. I got up...so did he. Nothing has infuriated me more than the fact that he got up. Instead of giving me what I want...do we see a pattern here? I got a match with the icon of icons. The gold standard of my federation. And just like you are doing right now. Everyone writes me off. Everyone says he can't do it. Not only do I beat him. I knocked his ass out cold. Little me. You know the one you want to Gorilla Press Slam you. Later I lost that title. To a guy who did it clean. What's the point of all of that shit I just told you about my past.

I don't do things for titles junior.

I do things because they are the right things to do.

The right thing was taken from me. That is a injustice I can not let slide. You see me as a villain. I see you as a pretender. You want to play champion. You want the belt because that's all you have. When you didn't have it your promos as well as your matches were lackluster. You didn't give half the effort you have given me or Nirvana this week. No doubt in my mind that you will give me a hell of a fight for that thing this week. I have no doubt about that. I'm not here to win the fight unless I have to. How much would it “degrade” your title if I just walked out of the ring? What if I set you on fire? What if I whipped out my dick and pissed all of over you? How much more disrespect do you think will win our time slot?

Remember...it's all about entertainment and everyone hates the authority figures right now. Smart money is on me making an impact without your damn belt.

This place needs to burn. There is no doubt in my mind. I don't give a fuck about the SFT World Heavyweight Title because it means nothing to me because this place is the gutter.

By the way on a side note I think if we played a drinking game to how many times you say demean in this promo we'd all have alcohol poisoning by now.

Let me clarify another point to you. YOU think everyone is her for the world title. That's what YOU believe. What I believe is something more than belts is what is the truth about this business. Titles are meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but we make them out to say that they are the most important thing in the world.

When I joined the Lethal Lottery it wasn't to win your belt. I was in it to win this and go home. I was in it to make my federation better. That was the goal. That did not happen by my own failures or successes. It happened because one of “business as usual” here in SFT. Interfere to get noticed. That's the joke. This place is all a really old joke that makes everyone roll their eyes.

Until it gets to a point where no one wants to even hear it let alone see someone perform it.

Am I getting to you? You seem to be comparing me to other people who don't matter. Hey! Focus on me. I am not Nirvana or has that not dawned on you yet. How much more do I have to spell it out for you. I am not Gary Mac. He wanted your title. I am not Nirvana. He wanted your title. I don't want anything from you that has anything to do with that title. Focus on your objective! You want to destroy me you are going to have to do better than this! This is crap! This is nothing to defeat me with. Bring that “A” game I keep hearing so much.

You keep comparing me to other people. Stop making rookie mistakes.

I'm different. I don't need a mask or theatrics to prove that.

If you did your research instead of editing useless film then maybe you would have figured that out.

Then again I'm just a “CWF kid”. You talk of something you know nothing about. Win or lose. Talk to anyone from there. Trust me. They will tell you who they thought their best opponents were. They will tell you their best matches. All of them will tell you whose name they remember more than Alex Cain, “The Ripper” Danny B, Jace Valentine, and even the injured Dan Highlander.

My name is Ataxia.

If you think I'm like the rest. You've already lost!

The Swords of Champions
Chapter 4: The shroud is lifted.

The sweet embrace of my wife overwhelmed me as the night turned into the morning. I felt her warm breathe on my neck as we tossed about in throngs of passion. As the light rose I looked down into those beautiful dark green eyes and I wept. I wept because I knew this wasn't real. I knew it wasn't real when we ate our food the next morning. I knew it wasn't real...and damn me for putting myself through this.
“Are you all right Kayl'yn?” She asks me concerned about her husband. I'm putting an end to this.
The world goes dark. The scene fades from what it is. Our cast of characters show themselves. They are all wearing masks of their real faces over their own. I shake my head. I was warned about this. It happens when you give into a persona for to long. I see people in the background. Alex Cain. Dan Highlander. They are all in the darkness laughing at me. Everyone is. This is stupid. This isn't me. This is some kind of pretender.'s game. I know he's here. Where the fuck is he...

“Looking for me.” The guy who claimed to be Deth “Stalker”Wo'ash. He smiled. The only one not masked. He wasn't laughing.
“So...This the first time we've actually talked isn't it?” He looked a little confused. Then he face twisted into a smirk.
“Figured it out all ready eh?”
“Not that hard. Deth sounds like Death. Ash is what remains from a burned out place. A stalker is many things but he follows you just like what you are. Also I have always been a fan of anagrams. Nice to meet you. It's strange to think that in my state of mind this is how I see you Shadow.”
The look of shock...is priceless. His armor and gear disappear leaving a man wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. He looked a little shocked.

“This isn't what I look like.” He started to laugh. “Do you even know what I look like in real life genius.”
“My drugged out dream.” I said returning the smirk. “This is how I see you. A pathetic old man who can't cut it anymore.”
“I'm not the one taking a “trip” to get inside my opponents head.”
“No your not. Your a figment of my imagination. I acknowledge this. The thing is. The insult this will do will bring about a reaction. The purpose of this whole venture was to get what I wanted. Which is this. This. I wanted everyone to laugh at me. I wanted everyone to think I had copied something to prove a point. There is no point to any of this. Except this. Figuratively. You are Shadow. Do you agree?”
“Yeah.” That arrogant smile I know he makes when he watches all of us doing whatever he wants to do.
“I wanted to say this face to face in a way that would get everyone's eyes on me.” I smile. Because I know you are all watching to see this. You are all wanting to see this. This is why I won the world title shot match. Not to fight the world champion. To make a statement. “So “face to face”. I'm going to murder your creation. There isn't a damn thing you can do about it.”
“You will fail...”
“I've been told that before. I have enjoyed making people eat those words.” I walk away. No more costumes. No more actors being me on screen. The camera pans over to see Ataxia in the directors chair.
“Cut. Print. That's a wrap.”

Oh no you called me out! Oh no! My big plan to not do a damn thing fell through.

So I walked into a trap did I? Well. Shit. You know. I just. I just couldn't resist such a simple carrot on a string. Little bunny foo foo fucked up didn't he? Oh. By the way.

In case you haven't realized this yet. I've been playing you. The whole time. This whole thing is a charade and it's meant to be. See. I wanted you distracted. The easiest way to do that was to do what I just did. To make you think that I was just going to parody you like some rube. This is what we call luring an opponent into a false sense of security. You have had NOTHING to worry about this week. I've lied. I've said things deliberately to get you to insult me a certain way.

Why would I walk into such an obvious trap? Because I can take it.

You see. The difference between you and I. I do my best work going right into a trap.

See you never expect what someone is going to do when they know what you have planned. I mean I could go on and on and on about why I think you are a waste of space. The truth is. I know you are doing what you think is best for your audience. I did this to walk a bit in your shoes. This whole thing was to see where you come from. The truth is. I see it.

And I know it's bullshit...

I'll get into that in the next little bit of the promo. I am not done with you yet. You want to see Ataxia in his “real method”? Boy. You ask for something that you can not and will never understand. Before you start giving someone a lecture about knowing their opponent. Maybe you should do your own research.

How'd that go for you?

I mean you make your CWF cracks but I can crack on shit about SFT I don't understand. You have nothing except a few matches here and there. Most of which I have come out on top of. This begs the question then...why are you so gung ho about beating me?

Is it because the belt is on the line or is it because you are afraid?

I don't care which reason. It makes no difference to me. It's part of my “masked wrestler so that gives me a reason to cackle like a hyena and be a general asshole” type deal I got worked out. It's my gimmick here. See folks. I'm going to let you in on a secret. This is all an act? I'm really a guy named Peter who lives in San Francisco whose been wrestling for years on the independent circuit as Paul N. Mary.

This is fake.

No one really gets hurt in wrestling. We just hold out for more money!

Aint that a bitch! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Oh I'm sorry I have to reach my masked cackling quota in the next five seconds. AHAHAHAHAHA....HUUUUUU....AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA...

Ha. Ha. Ho. Ho. Are we done trying to be like “everyone else” to Lion? I mean. I expect this from Redd, St. Screwed, or He who will never be named in my promos. You're the world champion! Shouldn't I get...better?

Of course not. I mean why I should I give you respect. I could point out what the real big draw for this match is.

I got the “second place” title.

That means in the grand scheme of things I'm right behind you in the title picture.

That means that in most promotional pictures until you or I lose these. I'm going to be sharing the spotlight with you. You and I buddy. Best Friends Forever!

Kinda makes you want to pull a job doesn't it. To see someone like me with something that “matters” to your precious indy fed.

Grow up. I'm making you look legit for once in your fucking life so shut the fuck up too tall cronie.

Of course what else can I expect from SFT's former commish.


It's about to get stranger!

Oh your a big guy! Your a really huge freaking guy!

Wow. I've never had to face a big bad man like you before. I might just bite your nipple off for the fun of it.

Emm...tasty. I have been hanging out with a cannibal after all. Who knows. Maybe we had a bite together. Maybe I want to eat something tan, thick, and just plain godlike.

I'm going to make you really rethink the term “bite me” for the rest of your damn life with these blood red sharpened teeth.

Hom. Nom. Nom. Bitch.

Moving on. Hey. You wanted to get nuts.

DING! DING! Let the maim's begin!

All right big guy. Let's go over the one really true fact about the physicality of this matchup. That is. You are a huge guy, with a small dick, that apparently likes to grapple lunatics like me! Awesome! I love being grabbed from behind by big, burly, manly...I'm sorry...big, burly, effeminate men who like to tell “stories”.

You just scream FABULOUS!!! Oh my stars look at his wardrobe choices! It makes my burlap sack mask look like Dirk's white sweater after labor day. OHHHH MYYYYY STARS AND GARTERS!!!

Remember I don't do research? I don't know how to do a promo. I don't know how to entertain the masses. I do not know what the fuck I'm doing.

And I'm still gonna be the best in this federation because no matter what I do. Win. Lose. Draw. Burn. Blowup. One thing remains the same.

They will be talking about me the next day. The day after that. The day after that. The day after that. Long after you are gone. I am the whole fucking show after this god damn card you fucking moron! Come on! Hit me with some real fucking insults! I love this shit!

Because I love what I do.

Every fucking week. I give it my all even for a place that doesn't deserve it. You are the champion and you have been half assing yourself for the past few weeks. Woe and behold. You get your second shot and...what happens?

You finally give a fuck.

Well damn. I feels sooooo special!

I'm just all fucking twittery. I don't know what do. I mean. What if this gets turned non-title at the last second. You just gonna phone this one in? Maybe I'll get a win over you because you don't want to go all the way boyo.

Come on Lion. Let's be real honest here. You can't handle me at the top of my game. Your a big guy. Hell. All I gotta do if I reallllllyyy wanna annoy you is just flat out. Run around. Out of the ring. Back into the ring. After about a hour or so I think you'll be tired. Along with the rest of us. I'll be fine cause I actually hit the gym, fatass, and I will pin you that way!

Yeah. And pigs can fart gold.

No. I'm going to rip you a new one and I'm going to do it head on. Because...that how life hits.

I hit you just like. Eventually we all go down to it. The thing is. I got nothing to lose. I still have this thing that I don't care about that makes me just as important as you. I still have my pull. I still have everything and one more thing.

I will place the idea in Shadow's thick skull that I am worth the money for another shot. And another. And another. Till one day. Maybe not me. Maybe someone else will beat you. I will hold that title. Not for the acclaim but just to piss you off.

Why? Because maybe I want to. Maybe I want to hold something that means nothing just like this!

Now. Let's see what else you got wrong.

Oh fuck! When did I get a image? Who let this happen?


Have you never watched any of these things? Seriously? Oh wait I forgot I have to have epic ballads playing and silly talks about thai chi here. Wait. Let me sharpen me longsword and get me parrot ARRRGGHHH!!!

I don't need an image. I'm Ataxia. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks so why the hell would I start now by what people think of me ripping on you for a reason? Wow. It must be nice living in “Lion world”. I wonder what a world of Lionel's vision would look like.


We will not go there. No. I refuse! I refuse to allow such a cheap trick in this promo. Even I have standards. See I've uped my standards so up yours!

See what I did there?

I would post a “U Mad” photo but after all we must have some “respect” for SF...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Sorry had to cackle again.

That's how you do parody mother fucker. Do I have to show you everything. “Tax, he wasn't parodying you?” Really? Oh well. His loss. He might actually have some decent ratings for a while. Where was I?

So your a defender to? Cool. I use to think that was the best way to do things to. However when you know someone is a defender for trashtalk it's best to make them look like a dumbass at the end of this. Hey. Already done! HA HAH!

Wanna try again?

We can keep this up all night but why bother?

Because deep down we both love it. Don't worry. You're going to enjoy being my new best friend Lionel.

BFF buddy!

Go ahead and try to beat a “turnbuckler” at his own game. It'll end badly. Because no matter what you do I will come back. I got a nasty habbit of it. This is all in good fun.

You don't want me to make this personal.

Really. You don't.

Because you might become a involuntary midget when I chop your legs off with a chainsaw.

Toodles for now.

The Swords of Champions
Epilogue: To world titles...or anon?

{We fade in on Ataxia in a SFT ring. He's wearing a white suit? Holy shit he changed his outfit! Ataxia waves at us as he holds up...The SFT World Heavyweight Championship.}

Ataxia: Hi. You see this. This is a title belt. This makes me important. You should all listen to me because I'm great. I'm so super fantastic! Look at me! I'm the champion! I am the champion! I am...a really annoying dipshit.

{Ataxia smirks as he walks to the outside of the ring.}

Ataxia: Yeah I know. You know it's a fake. I know that. You know that. Lionel might have just shit a brick for a brief second cause I think he knows where this is going. Sorry kiddo, but it's just the nature of the beast. See. I'd do all of this effort for anyone just to prove a point. That point is simple. I want to destroy this place. I've beat this into your head and it's starting to take. You are going to have to kill me. You are going to have to break me. See. I left one part of the Elisha story out. I feel bad for it. I guess the part about beating one seven foot guy to a bloody mess and pinning him when no one said I could should have been said. I left it out. I apologize. You see I want you to realize that, although I think you are a better wrestler than him, the size factor. It's about as effective as me doing your promos your way. Which was a trap the whole time to get you to waste time by doing just what you normally do. Where as I did what I normally do. I overkill. Please. Do come and try some more. Please counter this however you want to but I do have to point out something to you before we go. I hope you really aren't to upset with me for fucking with you this week. Because after all. I'd hate for something like this to happen. You know, because I won cause you got pissed off.

{The ring explodes behind Ataxia as he looks at the world title and spits on it.}

Ataxia: What? Have I gotten your attention now?

{Fade to black.}

Just fucking win?

No. You're going to have to do more. You are going to have to destroy an ideal. See. I've told you before I am the second man to wear this mask. There are others waiting in the wings. You can try to destroy me, the person behind this mask, but the idea of Ataxia is stronger than any federation. I wish I could make another Metallica joke about this like the cool kid you are, but Metallica is only a cool cover band. Hence my theme song. Good job making a pun out of the song title. Wanna cookie?

Seriously it's a good cookie?

Awww. My feelings are hurt. Guess I'll go play D&D so I can be cool like my new best friend Lionel!

I'm ready for the climb buddy. Are you ready for the fall?


...you wanted to get nuts. Well.

My instincts tell me you haven't had a good fight for a while. I aim to at least give you a warm up. Have a nice night. Sleep well “buddy”.

Hugs and kisses.