~So don't cry to me ohhh baby. Your future is in a Oblong Box!~

Oh no. I lost a world title match. And I couldn't be happier. Finally I get to fight someone for just a reason to fight instead of...

Wait. Who am I fighting again?

FUCK! I got Diet Redd. Seriously?! Seriously?! What the fuck is this! Jesus fucking christ on a crutch what is wrong with you people!

That is not a wrestler! That is a whiner! That is a glorified jobber! That...Is...Twilight!

Oh such a wonderful boring promo I have to witness as well. Antique shops just SCREAM entertainment. I swear...you must be the emo kid of this federation. Whine. Whine. Bitch. Moan. Cry.

“I just wanted to do tag team matches!”

You know what? Fuck it! Bring a partner! I'll do a handicap match if I have to. I don't give a fuck anymore. This is getting retarded. This is beyond stupid. Oh, but it's the main event.


“Welcome to SFT where the curtain jerker match happens in the main event.”

Look who isn't booked as well? Hmmm. Aww. Did big, dumb, and a waste of (Even I have standards) decide he shouldn't be a defending champion this week? Gee! Maybe he's going to slack off till this Miranda crackwhore decides to beat him in a non title match then he'll get angry again.

Not that anyone really cares about the “tainted” title these days.

See, if I had really put forth all of my efforts into that match I would have to be dealing with more controversy. More bullshit. More demands. So I am glad I didn't put everything into that stupid match. Oh I'm sorry. You thought you won outright didn't you?

Maybe you really should rethink how well you know me.

As for that THING you have me fighting this week I think you should really rethink your booking habits. No. I'm not going to maim you. That would make you worth something. In reality the only thing you are worth is the spit in your eye I will give you as you fall from my fist!

This is beyond me not giving a fuck anymore. What's the point? Oh yeah! I gotta look good for this thing! This stupid title you all seem to want to mean something. This means nothing. That match that I am in this week means nothing. Just like the week before. Give me something worthwhile that I won't be bored with.

Oh wait. This is a glorified indy fed. I forgot. Silly me. We gotta sell out a few more bingo hall's in order to get someone who might actually be a real fucking challenge to someone of my caliber. “Well you lost to...”. Shut the fuck up! I didn't lose. Because I still won. Nothing changed.

Hell I'm main eventing the card...against a retard...but I am still main eventing.


This is what you came up with? This is the best of the best that the bookers could come up with. You fans need to get a lawyer or something because your getting screwed.

Give me Corbyn. That fuck wants to get some exposure that isn't indecent. Yes, we've all heard the stories short dick so shut up. Be glad I gave you some time in my promo since your about as wanted around here as another “Epic tale” from Lion-o.

Give me Redd and his brother. Hell those two probably have me on their list! Let them give me speeches about how “They did what was right for the title” or “How Jesus loves me!” Come on!

This is like the definition of “never should be” as a superstar!

And that's why I love it!

This is the most perfect way to prove my point. Everyone knows this is a squash! Hell...Twilight knows it is. He gave me his “I only wanted tag team matches” crap! He doesn't even fucking want to do this! This is perfect! This is wonderful!

I told you...even when I lose I win. This is AWESOME!!!

I am going to enjoy this soooo much I might even give you peon's a actual “scene” tomorrow since all you people seem to care about is this days of our lives, guiding light, general hospital, passions crap!


This is going to be soooooooooooooooooooooo great! I am going to embarrass the hell out of this company but what I am going to do in this match!

And you booked it.

Are “U MAD” yet?


And they say bad kids don't get fun stuff for christmas.

Jingle Bells, Shadow sucks.
Nirvana ate a baby!
The Lion-o promos were stole from fanfiction.net
And Ataxia got away with ittttttt...

What? Everyone does a christmas promo at Christmas? I beat the rush!

Am I getting your attention yet?


Enjoy the show kiddies! I've got some treats planned for you and no tricks. I promise. I was a boy scout till I got kicked out for putting (NOPE NOT GOING THERE) in a brownie.

Oh come on, one of your most popular stars is a cannibal! HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME!

Just remember one thing.

Even when I lose...I still win.

No one is serious here...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Tune in tomorrow for a special interview with your National Champion! I promise. It will be...glorious.