All is quiet.

No one is saying a word. It's death here. I wonder what it is?

I know why Dirk hasn't said anything. I know why he keeps himself from spouting off his wonderful witchcraft. No. He is making sure his promo looks perfect. A perfectionist in the ring as well as a promo artist.

So what's Miranda's and Steed's excuse?

Kind of like the end of “Hallowed Ground” they wait till the last minute. To counter what they can have no hope of saying anything with. It's pathetic because we all know...

There is no counter for Ataxia.

So let's start with the only real threat.

The referee. This is going to get violent. Stay out of the way.

Now for curtain jerker one.

We have Miranda! My. You made such an impact after my match with Kingston. I bet your going to make fun of the mask. Or my “girlfriend”, who isn't my girlfriend, winning the women's rumble. Wait. No. You won't do that. That means admitting you lost to a rookie.


What kind of fucking threat are you?

Seriously? You showed up after my match and made Kingston splosh his pants.

Oh I could make jokes that you're not a good wrestler. I really could. Let's face it though. You've been given easy matches.

Hell your opponent knew he was going to lose so he didn't even cut a promo.

Oh well, It meant less morons on the air. Oh wait. You're in my match.

You see what irks me about you is you think you have earned something by coming out and attacking Dawn. What is it? A world title shot?

Please...we don't hand those out anymore unless we have a clusterfuck match.

We aren't due for one of those until...oh crap. DEFCOM FOUR I KNOW THE FUCKING PLAN!!! Anyone who thinks you deserve a fucking title shot from attempting a beatdown of my stablemate...well...Sam?

I think this is all fun and interesting that you THINK you deserve this. Truth is no one deserves it. It has to be earned. Even though I fucking hate the world title it has to be earned. I earned my shot by beating up the last group of nimrods who thought they actually had a chance at beating the world champion.

I didn't want it.

I still don't want it.

However, I want Dawn to fight someone who actually will be a challenge. Sadly that's Dirk and I. Once we win this match any hope you two have of becoming contenders is going to die unless management saves your ass.

But they can't save you.

Do yourself a favor and do what you did a long time ago. Walk the fuck away bitch.

What the fuck are you doing here anyway? Aint nobody want to see your skank ass up in here anymore. You are a pathetic waste of fucking space. You can't wrestle worth shit. The only thing you do is grab the audiences attention for a hardon. No one gives a fuck about your so called “talent”. Hell I know strippers who can grapple better than you.

Uh oh. A man's intimidated by a woman. No bitch. I just do not particularly care about wasting my time in a tag team match where I have to make an example.

Dr. Fuckyourworldup is open for business.

I'm going to try and not enjoy embarrassing you when we get a hold of you two idiots.

Think about just who you are dealing with.

Pleasant screams.

Now...Curtain Jerker number two.




I'm trying real hard not to make any horse jokes...

So you won a few titles back in the day...

Oh, I'm supposed to be impressed right?

Sadly even Homer Simpson can't stop you from getting canceled?

It's like Lionel had boring offspring...and strangely Jackson has better boobs than Miranda.


Oh well I'm sure you are good for something.

Oh I know. Used car salesmen. It's about your speed.

I know you got some sort of plan for taking me and Dirky out. I can't wait to hear it. I can't wait for you to hit me with your best shot and then when I get back up the look on your face will be priceless.

This is all one big setup. Unfortunately they gave you the worst partner ever and gave me my stablemate.

It sucks to be you!

Here. (Hands you anti-crab spray)

You're going to need it after Miranda's promo. No not from sex. Just because well...she's a crabby cantankerous (WE CAN'T SAY THAT WORD ON TELEVISION!!)

I need to get a censor with a sense of humor.

Oh well time for something more exciting than any of your promos put together.

(Holds up his DVD of Gigli.)

This...This...THIS is better than listening to you two.