All quiet on the western front.

All quiet in the east.

Something tells me everyone is plotting about some dark and evil plan. A plan to hit me at the last moment with piles and piles of trash. To get the last word. To say to me I'm a fool. To try and prove that they are cool. Only to fail because we all know the truth.

That you are all fucked.

Let's look at where I stand. Maybe that will help you all see why nothing you can do can hurt me. I got seven. SEVEN! Seven of the biggest names in SFT coming after me. The World Champion, Miranda, is one of them. That alone makes me a hot item. Then we got the rest of the DI. Gary Mac, Ace, and Johnny Legend. Three names that would make or break anyone in this glorified bingo hall. Then we got Titania, Hayes, and Corbyn. Seven people who always make a impact. Seven people who are trying their best to take out me and mine. What do I need to do to sell myself as one of the biggest draws in SFT? Nothing. You all do the work for me. All I have to do is just show up. I make every single one of you little fucks worried because I'm different. That's what you fear. That's why I win.

“Humans fear what they do not understand.”

Well said. Before I get started on the two big mouths. Let's talk about the jobber and the worthy opponent.

So Kyle. Still whining. Not gonna say anything till the last minute. Go ahead. Please. Kyle. Just wow us with your scripted responses about this and that and the other. At least I know you will be able to say things properly. I swear we need to get Ace's brain checked. One to many shots of smelling his own shit I guess. Boy can't even say his stable name right.

Oh shit. I got off topic. Sorry. When you don't say anything and everyone knows you are just there for record padding I guess no one really cares about you eh? Hell. They like to talk shit about you and I am sure for our nostalgic fans out there I could go into ours to Kyle. However. I am not going to give a dissertation on why you suck because the networks sent out a complaint blaming us for the “co-op” promo from DI.

What do they blame us for. Giving Gary Mac diarrhea of the mouth.

Sorry guys. He had that before. We just gave him a focus from his corn holing.

Josh. Dude. Bail on this guy. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I know my plea falls on deaf ears, but this isn't fair. I personally don't care about the tag gold, but I am also sure you just want what I got. Rematch. Whenever you want it. Regardless of what happens tomorrow. May the best team win.

Or may the best team put on a good showing because some shits are gonna try something. Speaking of shit stains.

Ace. Bro. Get your head checked. I am going to say something. This is going to hurt. I do not care though.

It's Divine Intervention. D.I.V.I.N.E. Space. I.N.T.E.R.V.E.N.T.I.O.N. That being said why do you continue to say D.E.V.I.N.E.? Are you trying some sort of southern gimmick I am not aware of? Are you drunk when you are reading your cue cards written by Gary Mac's team of ghost writers?

So I belong “beneath you”? Well. Maybe you are right. After all. I am not the best. I am not Ace. I should just retire and let you mow over me. I should go job to Jude right?

Wrong. Why don't you fucking get it yet. Nothing you say has any merit. You can't even speak english properly.

WHOA! Stop right the fuck there you fucking little bitch. I never called you gay. Don't you put your homophobic bullshit on me. Just because you are insecure in your sexuality does not mean that I think that you are some kind of pillow biter. Now. I never called you gay. You guys have been calling my partner the F word. I could get mad. I could get angry.

But that's what you and dopey want. I'm not going to get mad like some punk little kid on a internet forum. I'm just going to do what you two can't stand. Laugh in your face.


It makes no fucking sense?

I agree. I don't want this shot. I don't want to waste my god damn time making a pile of crap like you and Gary Mac look good! Your buddy keeps name dropping us and you don't think you are going to have to face us. Oh big man. Let me point out something that is a flaw in your statement to Josh. Dirk and I have not taken a break in a long time. Week in and week out while you and Gary were “planning your comeback” we were actually doing something. Of course the whole point of this is that I want this place to fall. I don't want it to fall from nothing. No. I want it to be soaring high to crash into the ground and burn. Which is why I am using you Ace.

So go ahead and keep beating us. Because this is exactly what entertainment those people want to see. You and I facing off against each other. Ace. I don't blame you for what Redd did. You know though. You know better than anyone why I am still bitter about what happened. Who was that little shit to deny me my rightfully earned spot.

If he hadn't done that. I wouldn't be here. You wouldn't about to be embarrassed. After your promos however. I would be so embarrassed I'd shoot myself since apparently we've got you so mad you can't even speak the name of your group properly. Don't worry though. Just like Dirky says...

Be my little baby. My Daarrrrling. Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho!

I feel a guest star...It's a guest starrrrr!! Take 'em out Dirk I gotta get a bottle of water.

It's time for the Gary Mac Smack Attack brought to you by Dirk Roman, your friendly neighborhood bisexual transvestite hardcoooooorrreeee champion of the Towers! Woo woo Woo! I have a very special treat for you Axis fans tonight. I am going to put three new holes in Gary Macs ego. The first comes when I test his immeasurable homophobia by touching him in a place even his whores wouldn't touch him, that means you Miranda!Yeah I know Cliche, but you're a whore and I don't care about you. Neither does Gary Mac, but you'll figure that one out for yourself when the time comes. Are you ready, here comes ego hole number two! This is the part where we kick the shit out of Ace and he goes running for the fucking hills leaving your sad ass high and dry. Ace is a chickenshit loser as we all know and one look at me and Ataxia taking Murphy and Konnelly out of the game will ease the zipper off that skin suit and show all his pretty yellow feathers to the adoring fans. No one likes you Ace, not even you. Her comes the most epic hole, number three, the one to end the self inflated piece of shit that is Gary Mac. I bet you all thought number three was going to be one of us pinning Ace while Gary watched helplessly. It could happen. It might happen, but then it would prevent me from doing what we all know would crush you Gary, and that is pin you down and hear your heart break as the ref counts that oh so slow one two three. No rush, because there will be no escape from me tonight. Gary Mac is going fall victim to the power that is GLITTER & GORE!

Wait people... did I say I was done? I do think we have other opponents tonight. I think I mentioned them. I think. Where the fuck are they? Probably out buying lube so they can get ready to bend each other over the ropes while we ... beat them badly. What? I'm not Gary Mac, he's a douche.

Oh Ace.

"As for you, you are just another passing blob I head muffles from, and then disappears into the back of my mind."

What in the flying reindeer fuck shit is that? Was that supposed to mean something. Keep on babbling Ace, it's the only thing you do well. At least you admitted you are going to fucking underestimate us. You sure are fucking good at that. I was a bit offended, by Miranda, not you or Gary. You two are weak, at best. So I sucked it up, pun intended, and embraced.... no not that, my inner faggot! Thank you Miranda, for making me a better man. I no longer have any worries opening that Gary Mac promo, or that thing Ace calls a promo, or worse, that thing Kyle Murphy and Josh Konnelly fail to do. I can take all the shit you can throw at me and you still have to lose to me in the end. Ace, you can keep debating whether I'm a fluffer or a floater, or whatever you want to call me, you belittling all I have done since I've been here, shows me one thing... you're just plain scared.

Oh Gary Mac, going back to last weeks smack, do you nothing else to us in your attack. Oh no, I am not well known outside of SFT, me and Tax are just plain old SFT stars. Not everyone has to whore themselves out to every jackshit production on the market. You do it because you like to hear your name. Gary Mac, Gary Mac has a title here. Oh noes! He took the title there! Gary Mac is fuckin' everywhere. Go ahead and spread yourself thin. The only reason everyone knows your name is because you shove it down their fucking throat every chance you get.

"One win won't even put you in our league"

Oh Gary. I see you are already padding your fall for when you lose tonight. Good call. Then you can still go around with your half inflated ego and your fully inflated blow up doll of a partner and call yourselves the best in the business, when you are just a couple of washed up losers. You came back because you saw us taking SFT by storm and you needed to get some of that glory. You beat me fair and square the last time. Not this time. You can't beat a team like us. It takes all you have just to take down one of us, how are you going to stop ME and ATAXIA, while controlling Kyle and Josh? You won't.

And another thing Gary, let's get this straight... I do the sexual favors for Wilde! Not Dawn! She is a nice little crazy lesbian and I love her. Bring her up again and Ace is going to have to find another partner.

And Oh my gosh, you made fun of my little song! I am going to run away forever and cry in my hole of despair now you mean mean man you. As I told my father when I was three, Fuck Off!... and bus windows are tasty.... ASS!

And just for YOUR entertainment!

Gary Gary He's Our Man
If he can't lick 'em
Ace sure can.
Hey ... how many licks does it take to get to the center of Johnny Legend?!

The world will never...EEEEEVVVERRRR wanna know!

I'm back. See. That. We showed up in the same promo. WE ARE ORIGINAL MY FRIENDS!! Isn't that what you wanted Gary. Something original? You know more original than me and Dirk are by ourselves. So much so that we have to actually show people we're friends instead of the denial that you partner is going through that you guys are even in the same stable?

He's like “I am more than DI!”

Yet. All I see is tag match. Tag match. Tag match! Are we hiding something about Ace that we all don't need to know. Does he have...


Oh shit I said it to loud.

He's got what?!

Nothing! I realize that this could be embarrassing. I mean the way that he is avoiding singles competition makes me think something is wrong. Gary. Are you...Are you covering for Ace? I think so. Matter of fact it makes perfect sense. He can't cut it anymore. He's lost faith in himself. Or is it the fact that he keeps getting screwed out of what he has “earned”. Newsflash. No one gives a damn about what you think you are owed. Maybe you should actually just shut up and wrestle like I do instead of running your damn mouth about history lessons and title reigns like the thing in charge of the universe should suck you off!

Grow up. Both of you.

You know what. I need a break from this. I need to do something fun. Something far far away from a promo studio. I'm going to do something that matters. Like my fans.

Oh what a tangled web we weave. After spending time at the mansion that night I bid my darling a fond goodbye while Dirk and I went to “Fan Axis”. It's this thing we do for our fans that's sort of like a mild freakshow. They can get autographs and our merchandise that's just hot off the presses. It's not that we're selling out...well we are. It's just the arenas. All was going pretty well. That is until this shit happened.

We fade in outside of the arena where “Titans” will occur. We see Ataxia, Dirk Roman, and Daniel “Ball” Pitt. Ataxia and Dirk are both wearing purple “Glitter and Gore” t-shirts, black pants, and black boots. Ataxia has long black gloves covering up his arms and his mask. Dirk's face is covered in glitter and his hair has purple highlights. They are signing stuff.

Ataxia: Yo! Here's your poster kid! Hope you enjoy.

Kid: Thanks Mr. Taxia.

Dirk Roman: I didn't know your first name was A?

Ataxia: I'm irish what can I say.

Dirk Roman: What?

Ataxia: Nothing.

Daniel “Ball” Pitt: You guys are seriously sucking. This is all pretty normal stuff. Where is the weird shit like baby eating, goat rape, and other fun Axis shenanigans.

Dirk looks over at Daniel and turns to Ataxia. He nonchalantly signs a girls exposed boobs. Dirk Roman: Is...he gonna be around a lot?

Ataxia: I like him. Bob Sagat look alike mother fucker in our promos makes us seem more family friendly.

Ataxia looks down to see a five year old had just handed him a t-shirt to sign. His mom's face priceless. Her mouth is opened extremely wide.

Ataxia: Heh. A little wider and I might just fit.


Ataxia: TAXIA!

Daniel “Ball” Pitt: Hello lawsuit. I hope you enjoyed your time not being used. I got a feeling we're going to get raped in court over that one.

Dirk Roman: How do you know?

Daniel “Ball” Pitt: I'm a lawyer. Bob Saget just has better ones. Fucker.

Dirk Roman: WOW!

A huge fat man walks up and turns around with his front to the camera. He drops his pants, but thankfully we don't see anything. DBP gets a little sick to his face and Dirk smiles.

Fat man: SIGN MY BUTT GUYS!! Ataxia: Whoa! Better get the big pen.

Dirk Roman: Hey guys look. The Grand Canyon. Who said we wouldn't see the sights here!

Fat Guy:'s kinda chilly could you hurry up I gotta get to the tattoo place before tonight starts.

Dirk grabs a glitter sharpie and he and Ataxia sign each cheek!

Ataxia: This guy's got a big canvas!

Dirk Roman: Anyone else want lunch?

The guy thanks “Glitter and Gore.” They sit back down as two men in suits show up.

Ataxia: All right what do you guys want signed?

Suit 1: We don't want you to sign anything.

Dirk Roman: Oh Pictures! I so wanted more pictures! But you have to wear this!

Dirk pulls up a giant fish head from underneath the table. DBP facepalms as Ataxia just laughs.

Suit 2: We don't want pictures. My name is Mr. Simon and this is Mr. Robinson.

Ataxia: Well I'm Mr. Idont and this is my partner Miss Care.

Mr. Robinson: You better start. We've been sent from the front office to clean your act up.

Ataxia: They know about the midget.

Mr. Simon: What “little person”.

We hear a rustling under the table and Dirk kicks it.

Dirk Roman: So front office...

Mr. Robinson: We have some concerns. As you know Nirvana is sort of untouchable for his behavior and reputation, but you two. Well. We'd hate to have you pay more fines. So the company really wants you to change your act just a bit.

Daniel “Ball” Pitt: How about you suck my...

Dirk Roman: Whoa Bally. Let's at least hear them out.

Ataxia: Why?

Dirk Roman: Could be funny.

Ataxia: Could be a waste of time.

Dirk Roman: Could fill up that stupid promo time we have to do with it.

Ataxia and Dirk look at the camera and wink. The two suits look at where they are looking at and scowl. Mr. Robinson: Get that camera out of here.

Mr. Simon: Dirk. You need to stop with the glitter. You need to stop acting so...well you. You also need to tone down the. How can I put this. The grabbing of things out of your “speedo”.

Dirk Roman: I got a banana in it today. Wanna see?

Mr. Simon: No!

Dirk Roman: Party poopy head.

Mr. Robinson: As for you. We got a few masks we want you to try out. That one is scaring to many people. We get complaints week after week after week about your mask.

Ataxia:...So you guys want us to be more traditional I take it?

Mr. Robinson: Yes. We like your originality, but we want you to be

Dirk Roman: Everyone else?

Mr. Simon: Yes. Now you're understanding.

Ataxia puts his arm around Mr. Robinson and Dirk puts his arm around Mr. Simon. DBP follows them with a curious look on their face. Ataxia: While I can understand that is your point of view. If we did that well. We would be kind of screwing over our fans. You know the ones paying a lot of money to see us act the way we do. We may pay a fine or two.

Dirk Roman: Or seventy five.

Ataxia: But we make more money in a night than you guys can fine us so...We have a solution.

Mr. Robinson: What's that?

They stop in front of another tent.

Dirk Roman: See...we can do some things that are traditional. Like for example.

Ataxia: Beating up idiot executives is a tradition in wrestling.

They both act like they are going to punch these guys but they stop and fake laugh.

Ataxia: But that would be lame.

Dirk Roman: Yeah. Totally. Punching people never gets the message across.

Mr. Robinson: Phew.

Mr. Simon: Got us there for a second.

Dirk Roman: Yeah. Why hurt you physically...

Ataxia: When mentally is so much f'n better!

“Glitter and Gore” grabs the two men and toss them into the tent. We pan back to see the sign over the tent. “Naked Seth Photo Shoot” is the sign above it. We hear screams from the other side as Ataxia and Dirk walk back. DBP is laughing his ass off.

Ataxia: We are so gonna hear about this tonight.

Dirk Roman: Heheheh. It's worth it! So what should we do next?

Daniel “Ball” Pitt: How about you throw the camera crew in?

Ataxia, Dirk, and DBP turn to the camera and smirk. Fade to black as the camera man runs for his life.

You can't change the unchangeable. We are not those who can be corrupted. We are those here for a purpose. We are the “Axis of Ultra Violence.” We are “Glitter and Gore.” And you...well...your a pretty bloodbath just waiting to happen. AHAHAHAHAHAHA...

...I really don't want to do this.

I know you put a lot of effort into that but really? Are you that fucking anal?

I haven't earned anything here? Fuck you. Your front office called me to come to that stupid tournament. Then one of your boys sticks his head in my business. I was going to do a class act Gary. I was going to win the world title. Then I was going to let all comers come at me. When I lost. I was going to leave. I would have done SFT a solid.

Then this place took a solid on me.

Now the shit is going to hit you in the face for the rest of your career here. Don't worry. It won't be long the way I keep seeing things going. You enjoy hanging with “Tiger Blood”. You're Bitter? Fuck you! You don't know shit about what all I have had to go through to get as good as I am. You never fucking will either. You want to talk shit about how you are some great band and I'm that fucker who just hits the right note with the tweens on reality television. Fucker you don't know reality. All you know is wrestling.

This isn't reality Gary. It's a fucking show. You're getting older. Then do something about it and put me in my place or are you going to get someone else to help you! That's the only way you did get one up one me, but I am not going to dwell on it Gary. I am going to move past it because hell all this is. All this ever was. Is just to add spice to the match. Jesus. You taking this so personally like I pissed in your eye or something.

That's it isn't it? Did you intend to offend but really just get mad? U Mad? You can dish it out, but you can't fucking take it can you! Your pathetic. You want to call my talent and ability into question? Heh. You should really watch some CWF before you start talking shit about me. I watched everything Gary. I watched your first match all the way to your last one. I fucking studied. Sure, I get handed title shots left and right. Not once. Not. One. Fucking. Time. Have I asked for one. I don't want your world title Gary.

I want it burned!

You still don't grasp this. This isn't about you. None of this is about you. This is about your federation. This is about doing the right thing. Hell I know that, and I am the one laughing at it. Don't try to make yourself out to be the victim here Gary. You brought down the wrath of the “Axis” on yourself.

So stop bitching and take it like a man!

You want to be remembered? Then stop bitching and prove it! You can do that can't you! You can still do it you pathetic pile of pruned out puss! Come on! Hit me old man! Show me what I need to learn! You want me to get off your lawn you old fuck! Come on! Hit me! HIT ME YOU SON OF ILLITERATE IMBICILE!

Hit me as hard as you fucking can Gary...

I will still stand.

I will still. Get. The. Fuck. UP!

I don't think I am better than you. I know I am. What do you think of that? I know I am better than all of the crap that you could ever pull. I am the best of the best because nothing changes my path. Wins. Losses. Ties. Don't fucking matter. I get up. I laugh it off. Life out there is such a pain in the ass man that nothing in that ring will ever ruin my fucking high!

Come on Gary. What's really getting your old man pants tight?

Gary. You want to talk about hunger, desire, and all that bullshit. Let me tell you what you will see when you look into my eyes. It isn't about beating you. It isn't about proving you wrong. This match is about one thing. Shutting you the hell up! Either by pinning one of the other tag team, or by doing what you think is impossible. I don't want to pin Kyle. I don't want to pin Josh. I don't give a fuck if I ever get a win over Deuce. It's you.

If I don't get it though Gary. I still win. Because I still steal the whole fucking show. I've earned every damn thing I've gotten. You wanna spit in my face about my legacy. I got news for you. In fifty years. No one will remember who the fuck you were. You are forgettable Gary. Me. You will always remember Ataxia. I guarantee it.

I did call Nirvana and Dawn. I asked them what it was like to be in the ring with perfection.

They told me.

They loved wrestling me.

Because I am perfect because you can't beat me Gary.

You don't believe in...okay? Seriously? Are you just pitching that because it's an election year because I'm gonna be honest. That sucks. That's the worst end line for a segment in a promo I have seen since Lionel's last promo.

Get a better writer dude.

Oh. I'm a cunt. Grand Canyon to Pot Hole. You've been a dick to everyone and you can't take it being thrown back at you? Seriously. Grow up ya troll. You're that kid with the cut and pasted image tag on a forum that says “U MAD”. Come on old man. Where is your respect? Oh, I haven't earned it? I contradict myself? What do you think you've been doing since you started? I beat the whole Axis BY MYSELF! Which you didn't.

So I called a spade a spade. Get over it.

OH! So NOW! Wins and losses don't matter. So then your going to pull that line and the eleventh hour? Right before you know you done fucked up! Legend didn't care? Good. I didn't either. You guys were the ones talking about this and that and all this respect shit. You come into my match and beat me up to prove what point? That three guys can drag a guy out of a ring and toss him into some steps. Wow. It's almost funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Oh hell I'll laugh anyway just to pity you.

Ha...Ha...Oh I can't. You get enough that whenever your wife see's your dick.

Oh shit did I go there? Yeah. And you can't say anything back? Aww. Dirty Trick! Dirty! Dirty! Bad Taxi.

Oh your comment about my dad I agree with you.

Because being a splooge mark is better than living in a world with you!

My father was a bastard. I'm glad he's not around. I'm glad he's not around to see me as a success. There. There is a clue Gary. Congrats I just made your whole promo worthwhile because no one gives a fuck about you! I just saved your ass again. You did this as a favor. Bullshit. You came back begging because they wouldn't put up with your bullshit in that other fed. You want to talk trash about me? Do some fucking research because I did mine.

And I found out you are a sad pathetic old man clinging to your spot as top dawg. You won your first world title in three months. I won mine in two! Wanna play this game. I know a kid who won his first world title at the age of fifteen! You still suck! Nothing you say matters. There is always someone out there better than you. I accepted that. You haven't yet. No worries. No footage to make you have to fess up to your lies.

Ego stroke this ego stroke that. I don't give a fuck about you Gary. You are my opponent. You talked trash. I gave it back to you. Same as this. Next week. I ignore you again. Because you will go away. You will run and hide. You will not make a fucking difference. You want to go on and on and space out your promos with breath's longer than mine ever were then go right the fuck ahead. This is over and you know it. It's part of the game. It isn't the whole game. Wins and losses are not done by promos. I'm paraphrasing your own stablemate. Get the fucking clue yet? ARGH! Why do I even bother trying to explain my philosphy to you. It isn't about reality! This isn't real! This is wrestling! It's fucking predictable. Just like you not getting it. Hitler lost. Yay. Did he win at some way. Yeah. What? Yeah. Think about what you said. History is not about what's right Gary. It's about whose left. The winners write the history books but those who look for the truth know that it's not that fucking simple.

I beat you you can't say anything to me nyeh nyeh nyeh!

You sound like that. This is you all the fucking time. And you decide to give me a doctoral thesis on why I am wrong. Tell me something.

Was it my goal to get you this frustrated the whole time?


Good pawn. Good boy. Here's your treat.

Yeah I am so threatened by you. I won't even attack you I am so threatened. Who the fuck are you? Some whiny ass grandpa whose lost his damn mind trying to win this war of the words with...nobody.

No one who matters.

No one respectable.

Someone who has better things to do than listen to you. I'm a cunt after all why do you care about what I think? Why do you care about what I say. You knocked a whole promo centered pretty much on me. You did exactly what you said I did. I talked about Ace and the other tag team pretty extensively. I just found a break talking about you so I could put in my scene. Blame my editing skills for giving you a bad idea. You want to call me unoriginal. Fine. I am unoriginal. I don't care! You aren't either! “I haven't been pinned or tapped out in nine months.” Yeah. Elsewhere. Some other indy fed. Some other pile of shit that doesn't matter just like SFT.

Has it not dawned on you yet?

You don't fucking matter.

This isn't about you Gary. This is about one thing.

Me. Getting what I want.

Which either way I do.

So enjoy your little tirade. Smile up until the moment when all the trashtalk is done. You are pulling double duty and being sick. Gee. I wonder what excuse you'll have this time when you finally do lose Gary.

Because remember. I don't have to pin you.

I just have to make sure you don't win.

And even if I lose Gary.

I still win. Now go drink your Ensure.

You just might need it. HAHAHAHAHAHAAH...